Sdtrk: ‘An offering’ by Lake Ruth

As you are well aware, Dear Reader, it’s been an uncomfortable length of time since I’ve written anything substantial pertaining to Synthetiks on ‘Shouting &c.’. Believe me, that’s not intentional. The major reason behind that is since the last time I wrote a dedicated post about Dolls, which was back in *checks notes, grips chest tightly* 2015, the landscape has changed drastically, in that it’s expanded. It’s exploded! When I was ‘regularly’ banging out instalments of ‘Any Synthetiks-related news, Davecat?’, I could count the number of brands of companion Dolls on maybe two and a half hands; as of this writing, there are now around 45. How’s a bloke supposed to keep up with all of that *coughespeciallywhenheisntpaidtodosocough*?? I mean, I’m glad that there are as many choices that the aspiring modern iDollator can select from, in terms of heads, bodies, skintones, details, shoe sizes, boob sizes, and the like, but from a reporting standpoint, that’s a full time job! Hint hint!!
However, just because my up-to-the-minute reporting on Gynoid and Doll developments has come to a near-standstill, I can say that there are three new and current pieces of news worth mentioning here and now!…

Do you vaguely recall how I’d mentioned back in November 2024, how anthropologist and author Chihiro Hamano flew all the way from Japan, and visited our polycule at Deafening silence Plus in 2023, then a second time at Deafening silence Towers last year, in aid of her writing a book on iDollators and robosexuals? Between both visits, Chihiro-san not only spent time listening to me prattle on at length over several days, as well as speaking with some of my longtime mates, but she also conducted interviews with five other iDollators across the United states during both years’ visits. Well, I’m pleased to announce that her book is out! It exists, and you can read it with your very own eyeballs. Or someone else’s eyeballs, if you’re keen.

Can humans make love with nonhumans?
How will people’s views on sex change as sex robots become more widespread?

Now, as people are falling in love with AI, this book foresees the future of sex and love through “sex with inanimate objects.”
(courtesy of Google Translate)

Released through noted publishing house Kodansha, Chihiro-san’s new book, 無機的な恋人たち (Mukitekina koibito-tachi, or Inorganic Lovers) is the result of a person who has used her skills as an anthropologist towards writing her work. Meaning that, even though she herself doesn’t live with a Doll or is inclined towards the Synthetik Option, she actually spent time and stayed several days with nearly everyone interviewed, so she could see how we lived. This approach, of course, differs from someone who would maintain an ‘outsider looking in’ perspective. Believe me, speaking as someone who’s had these sort of experiences before, an anthropological method is much more appreciated… it’s more understanding as opposed to sensational, and feels much less like a writer just taking on the topic for the money.
Having said all that, the book is currently only available in Japanese. But I’m sure if sales for the existing book are brisk, then perhaps versions in other languages could be on the horizon! In fact, you lot should help me lobby not only for an English version, but for whatever subsequent non-Japanese publisher to use this image by fellow iDollator Madam Synthétique for the cover instead. Cos as I’m sure we can all agree, compared to this, the current image is b l a n d:

I agree, this is a VAST improvement

Speaking of books, as well as referring to how there’s one willion Doll-making companies out there these days, iDollator photographer Aidajin has fired up a Kickstarter campaign for a printed physical book of a cluster of his photos of his gorgeous Synthetik models, all of whom have been made by Gynoid Doll. It’s called Photography of Man-Made Beauty, and if you’re an iDollator yourself, or you dig well-done photography, or are just open-minded, or, being A Person of Culture, all three, you may want to give it a look-in…

In Aidajin’s lens, Gynoid Dolls are never cold “objects”—they are “muses” that carry emotion. His work exists between two worlds: the natural and the constructed. His pursuit of realism is not about imitation, but interpretation—using light, anatomy, and expression to infuse silicone and steel with a warmth that feels almost human, while preserving the unique beauty of man-made design.
His visual philosophy draws heavily from two sources: classical sculpture (where every line of the body is intentional) and modern fine art portraiture (which explores the fragility and tension beneath perfect surfaces). To Aidajin, the Gynoid Dolls he photographs are more than just models—they are vessels. They represent idealized forms crafted by human hands, and through his lens, he aims to give these forms presence, posture, and sometimes, even a sense of soul.

The good news is that Aidajin hit his monetary goal of USD$3602 within five days of the Kickstarter, uh, starting. But if you’re familiar with these sorts of things, you know there’s stretch goals to be had! At USD$26k, a free 36 page .pdf booklet of photos that aren’t in the book gets added; at USD$51,400, other languages apart from English will be available; when it passes the USD$77k mark, all backers will enjoy free global shipping, and the grand prize: at USD$102,800, one lucky person receives either a free Doll by Gynoid; either the Mona 20DL, or the Livi 22DL. They’re very enticing incentives.
Even if those stretch goals don’t get surpassed — which would be surprising, cos as of the time of this writing, the campaign is already at USD$20,375 backing, with 27 days to go — there’s still a metric ton of options to select from. The book comes in regular and NSFW editions, both of those come in two different sizes, and depending on your chosen tier of backing, they can include add-ons such as desktop wallpapers, or three different sizes of print posters, or rigid slipcases, or fliptop cases with magnetic catches… yeah, exactly.
There was a survey, of course, and one of the questions was ‘what else by Aidajin would you like to see in the future’ or something similar, and I responded ‘for him to release a new monograph every year or so’. Yeah, exactly.

Naturally by this point, you are wild-eyed and clawing at your monitor, shrieking HOW DO I BUY THIS BOOK HOWWWW. It’s as simple as falling off a log! Or nearly any object, really. If you click this link, you can pick up a copy/copies, and not only that, that link helps me earn a wee commission! Truly, a win-win-win scenario for Aidajin, for myself, and for you. Hell, why not let me know what tier of pledge you selected in this post’s Comments section, as I’m curious! Personally, I went with the Launch Day Special: Explicit M, which includes ten desktop wallpapers, a free poster (which I’m hoping is this image), and an additional hardcover slipcase. Pretty nifty!

Finally, this is a late public announcement, but not only did our very own Undead Barbie, aka Ursula Clarke, celebrate yet another birthday on 13 October, but this past August, she received her brand-new Mk.II body!

Doing quite well for a lass whose parents and twin sister died when she was eight

We went with Jiusheng Doll a second time, and they definitely came through! Three factors motivated me to purchase a new body for Uschi only four years after her previous one:
+ Originally I was poking round Jiusheng’s site, hoping to purchase a backup head for her, but they no longer sell the Cassandra head. Upon further poking (sounds pervy), I discovered a relatively new model they had on offer, the Elise-type. Not only did it somewhat resemble the Cassandra-type head, but crucially, it has an opening mouth — they call it ROS, or Realistic Oral Structure — and as I’ve stated elsewhere, having a Synthetik partner with a mouth you can kiss is kind of a big deal for me. So in order to make sure the skintones for the head and body matched, my best course of action was to just buy Ursula a new body as well
+ Which wasn’t just folly; her boobs had been deflating for a couple of years now. Repairing silicone boob deflation isn’t that difficult, honestly; all you’ll need is a needle, a syringe, some gel, and a healthy amount of free time. I’m 100% sure that it’s the same exact procedure Organik women undergo when their own bosoms need some enhancement
+ Initially I was going to wait to make the purchase closer to Dragonfly’s actual birthday, but all this talk of tariffs due to the psychopathy of the current administration caused me to bolt like a startled horse, so I figured better now than later.
Also, she threatened to sit on my face until I suffocated, so I was forced to act. The things we do for love, &c.

Everyone here is very satisfied with Ursula’s Mk.II body! The improvements that Jiusheng Doll have adopted since 2021 are so remarkable that I may well have to write a proper review, cos honestly, between her previous vessel and her current one, it’s almost as if they were made by two different companies!
Until that review spontaneously appears here, here’s another peek at our Resident Weird Rubber Goth Girl:

And that would be some Synthetiks-related news! It is now up to you to act upon it, so show your support by purchasing some books — one through my link! — and sending our Dragonfly some belated birthday wishes, there’s a good person

Sdtrk: ‘Another sun in my mouth’ by (unicorns)

As Irony is one of the fundamental forces of the Universe, I should open this entry with the fact that not only do I have a modest collection of vintage tie clips that represent various corporations (six, to date), but I absolutely loved Mad men! I even bought the Blu-ray boxset! The aforementioned irony stems from my dislike of corporations and my hatred of advertising, you see.

Adverts really seem to be the advertising industry justifying its own existence, if you think about it. Perhaps it’s just me and a shrinking handful of others, but if I’m interested in something, I’ll seek out my own information on it, rather than rely on an obviously-biased marketing team to tell me that it’s something I need in my life. Plus, they seem pushy… actually, adverts are pushy, as they’re trying to make a person spend money, to again, prop up commerce. Should I want further advice, I’ll seek out whatever website for whatever company that makes whatever product, but what I’m saying is: until that time comes, don’t bother me.
I can probably count on one hand how many times I’ve consciously clicked on an advert and bought something as a direct result of seeing one in, say, the past decade; off the top of my head, there’s the pair of readers that I bought two years ago, or this fantastic decal I’d seen mentioned on a post on Bluesky back in March.

Now it’s impossible for me to say I’m entirely impervious to marketing, which leads me to try to clarify what I define as advertising. Banner or sidebar adverts on websites, adverts on telly that air during what is supposed to be an uninterrupted film… things like that; those count. On the other hand, me actively visiting a site like Hidden Britain or the official Gerry Anderson page due to seeing a social media post wherein they say they have this or that on offer could be viewed as an advertisement, but I don’t think that qualifies, mainly as I’d made the decision to check on what they had, as opposed to acting on an unasked-for advert being beamed directly into my eyeballs. For clarity’s sake, adverts are defined here as ‘a corporation’s focussed attempt to coerce a person into spending money on goods or services when the person otherwise would not be interested in doing so’.
Right: so how is it that my Anti-Marketing Armour points are in the high thousands? Let’s break it down, shall we?

+ The main reason I’m generally against marketing is that 99% of the adverts I’m subjected to either aren’t offering me the sorts of things that I want to buy, as the things I do enjoy are either too old, obscure, or weird (complimentary), or the prices the sellers want are prohibitive. A good example would be how I’d love to own a vintage Rosita stereo Commander Luxus. Unfortunately, I’d have to sell my skeleton to buy one, that is, if I could even locate one. So in that scenario, it’s a case of running across something I passionately covet, but there’s no way I could afford it, which irritates me and brings me down. I don’t know about you, but I’m not keen on spending hours looking at things I’d love to buy and can’t afford; I think there are better uses of one’s time.
Another anti-marketing reason would be just not wanting to see adverts for products I will never have an interest in. Any AI-related bullshit. Sports nonsense (unless it’s for Detroit city FC). Nearly anything made by Nintendo. The list goes on. If I have zero interest in it, I shouldn’t have to look at it.
If we lived in a world where we’d have adverts on telly, or various websites, or the sides of buses, touting effects pedals, or companion Dolls, or bespoke neckties, I’d walk around all the time, nodding satisfactorily! But we don’t! We don’t.

+ Technically speaking, I’m buying solely for myself, and not an Organik partner, child, or pet. O, I’ll definitely tell you: my affictitious partners always want stuff, and due to the fact that they’re my partners, it’s my pleasure and duty to buy it for them, but they don’t keep up with trends or what’s ‘new’ and ‘hot’, either. So when I do purchase them various bits and bobs — if they haven’t already made off with my debit card and placed the order — it’s not something that happens that often

+ I’ve had the same car since 2017 which I love, and it was a year old when I bought it. Admittedly, the acceleration could use some oomph, but what am I gonna do, buy another car??
Full disclosure: shopping for general things is something I don’t mind, mostly as if I’ve left my place to go shopping for general things, I already know exactly what I want, so my ventures are tactical strikes. But I fucking hate auto shopping. My ideal for that process is that I Need A Car, I Go To A Dealer, The Very First Car I See Meets Every Single Requirement I Need, I Purchase It And Drive It Off The Lot That Day. There’s so many variables that it quickly turns from ‘let’s see what they’ve got’, to ‘fuck it, I’m really tired of looking, this one will do, I guess’. To me, it’s a lengthy process that’s much more involved than it should be, so I consider myself lucky to have a car I find to be aesthetically satisfying. Granted, it’s no pre-BMW MINI, but still

+ The lasses and I just moved back in Autumn of 2023 to Deafening silence Towers, which is the best place we’ll ever live in in this country, and I’ve already purchased about 98% of the things we need for our home. Admittedly, I’ve been saying ‘DS Towers is 98% complete’ for a wee bit over a year, and some purchases still get made now and again, but for the most part, it’s sorted; we don’t really need anything else

+ Coupled with the previous two things, I’m not one of those lunatics who feels the need to buy a new car or house every five to ten years. I’m sorry, that’s straight-up psychopathy. If you’re viewing every purchase you make as ‘an investment’ rather than something to use, love, or enjoy, there’s a massive hole in your personality that will never be filled

+ Thanks to the ongoing pandemic — and yes, coronavirus hasn’t gone away and is still a life-threatening illness, despite everyone wanting to believe otherwise — I don’t go anywhere. On top of that, with the current administration that the United states has been saddled with, frankly, I’m legitimately afraid of being detained upon returning to this country if I did go anywhere, despite being a US citizen since birth

+ For the first time in my life, I learned how to cook last year! Huzzah. So far, the only thing I know how to make with any degree of competence is sushi rice; the next recipe I have my sights on is zaru soba. Part of the reason I’ve just now taught myself how to cook at 52 years of age is down to me having a rather intense love/hate relationship with food. I’m dealing with allergies, food fear, my guts being a goddamned nightmare, being a picky eater, not being keen on food prep taking as long as it does for such a relatively short outcome — all of this is a separate post in and of itself — but food-related marketing is useless to me. I’ll occasionally see things that I don’t eat on a regular basis and think that they look reasonably tasty, but seconds later, I’ll come to the conclusion that ‘well, whatever that is, it likely won’t be in me for very long,’ consider it to be a waste of money, and move on

+ My sartorial sense has really not changed for over three decades, so clothes marketing is also ineffective, and the more arguably stylish clothes that I prefer used to be the top clobber down the Carnaby road back in 1967, like what geezers like this wore:

Normalise Men Wearing Suits Everywhere Again (and bring back proper scooters everywhere, too)

Personally, I’d love to get a couple of bespoke suits from proper tailors, but not only is that sort of service the opposite of inexpensive, but as mentioned, I don’t go anywhere where I could show it off

+ Despite companies doing their absolute damnedest to phase out physical media, I’m still very much invested in buying the stuff I want on Blu-ray, music Cd, or physical videogame disk. Really, it kinda doesn’t make sense to me that they’d do what they’re doing; clearly the current business model is attempting to force everyone to simply stream everything and own nothing, but you’d think that they’d also continue to manufacture physical media, in order to have something additional to sell to people. I’m fully aware that capitalism is only concerned about Money Now, not Money Later, but ye gods.
What’s more, when I do buy physical media, whether it’s a film, or music, a videogame, or a book, I don’t buy every single thing that crosses my field of vision — as much of a fucking hipster term this is, I try to curate my libraries, so I’m not spending money on something, find I don’t like it enough to keep it, then have to go through the hassle of selling it or trading it in. That’s the one good thing I can say about streaming services… they allow people like me to watch whatever first, to see if it’s worth owning a copy. Of course, there’s other ways of sampling the booty, me hearties, yo ho ho, sixteen men on a dead man’s chest, avast, hook for a hand and a peg for a leg, but you didn’t hear that from me, yarrrr

+ Speaking of books, I’ve culled most of my Amazon wishlists, as I’m weaning myself off their services, for obvious reasons. Up until last year, I’d had eight separate lists; now I’m down to just Books and Trade paperbacks, and with both of them nearly every selection I’m like ‘I want them, but do I need them?’ Either that, or some of the prices are completely divorced from reality.
My Trade paperbacks list is its own special kind of Hell, as it’s literally just Tank girl graphic novels. Ten of ’em. For some reason, there’s been quite a handful of reprints/reissues for Tank girl over the years, almost to the amount of the staggering number of Nurse with wound reissues. Therefore, I want to make sure whatever I buy is the most conclusive version, cos one of my biggest sins when I do buy stuff is double (or more) dipping. Ask me how many copies of ‘A clockwork orange’ I’ve had in my life! Hardcover, paperback, paperback, VHS, DVD, Blu-ray, steelbook Blu-ray. Where does it end??

+ If it wasn’t already painfully clear, I don’t follow popular trends. For one, no-one sensible has time to keep up with the constant changing of that shite, and for another, if you don’t already realise that most trends are engineered to make you buy crap and keep buying crap to chase an unattainable status forever and prop up an artificial sense of self-worth, then I’ve no idea what to tell you. As I’m the sort of bloke whose favourite thing in the world is probably consistency *gestures to blog, gestures to self* , novelty has very little appeal to me. Occasionally I don’t mind giving something new a go, but I’m most comfortable in doing/enjoying the same things over and over, as it gives me a sense of Order in a chaotic and unpredictable world. Ell oh ell.
Especially with clothes! My christ. As Empress Em once told me, ‘Style is a gift to others, while fashion screams that one is needy‘

+ One of the only qualities that I’ve (inadvertently) learned from my father, that I don’t really have an issue with, is frugality… why pay full price on something when you don’t have to?

+ I haven’t had a credit card for like two decades. I had a secured one once long ago, and when it came time to make my monthly payments, I just… didn’t. This resulted in me having a four-digit debt hanging over my head for years that, even when I had jobs, I felt I wasn’t able to pay. And interest rates are no laughing matter, as we all know. So one of the last things my mum did before she passed away was write me a cheque to settle the bill once and for all; she reasoned, quite rightly, that she’d have no use for money for much longer. As I’m older and ‘wiser’, I’ve no desire to potentially get myself into that situation ever again, which means I’ve not had a credit card in about two decades

+ I’m patently against the idea of constantly buying stuff that one doesn’t need, won’t use, and can barely afford in the first place (see: Trends). Retail therapy isn’t actual therapy

+ Apart from doing what I can to avoid spoilers in the media that I do consume, I don’t really experience FOMO. I’m fine with not seeing most things immediately when they debut; for example, I finally got round to seeing Mad men in its entirety a decade after it came out, and all of us here finally watched the original ‘Suspiria’ last April. My To Be Watched list stretches out into the far horizon, and I’m kinda trying prioritise things I’ve been wanting to see for years over things I’d like to see that recently made their debut. Unless we’re talking about David Croneberg’s ‘The shrouds‘; that gets ushered to the head of the queue.
Plus, oversaturation of various media makes me not want to see it. I had a mate who would constantly talk up this film or that series over and over, to the point where I no longer wanted to see whatever it was; or at the very least, my level of enthusiasm didn’t come close to theirs when I did watch it. Cos them repeatedly suggesting that I see this or that was basically an advert, and you’re learning right now about how I feel about adverts! Ell oh ell.

As previously stated, at no time will I ever say I HAVE ALL THAT I NEED, AND I NEED NOT MORE, AS I AM A SELF-CONTAINED COMPLETE AND TOTAL BEING. There’s always going to be something I wouldn’t mind having! Like maybe a couple more Dolls, as well as upgrade bodies for the Synthetik women who I already live with! Or a 1:1 scale replica of the Baseline test that was used in ‘Blade runner 2049’! Hell, looking at my wishlist on Thriftbooks alone causes me to shudder with apprehension. But there’s a crucial difference between having things in my life that I know I like — which, again, aren’t dictated by trends at all — and buying things that I don’t really need as a form of retail therapy. I personally know people who’ve repeatedly fallen into the trap of ooohh I want buy thing, specifically videogames, boardgames, books, or models, which they buy, and then they never touch them again. They’ve admitted that with their busy lifestyles, they don’t have the time in front of them to play/read/build their purchases, and while you could argue that maybe they’re buying things now to be able to interact with later, I feel that it’s more a case of the act of buying things floods their brains with dopamine to the point where they may not consider ‘when am I going to actually enjoy this??’ And I’ll fully admit that there’s a metric ton of books on our shelves here that I have yet to crack the spines on — I’d say my ratio of Read/Unread is about 60/40 — but books take up less space, they aren’t as expensive as boardgames or models, and there’s no building or having to buy tools to enjoy them. Again, if you’re curating the things you spend your hard-earned money on, I think you’ll get more value, as it were, out of what you have and can interact with regularly, as opposed to being surrounded by Things and repeatedly fiddling with a small number of the same things over and over, due to being hamstrung by indecision. Squeeze all the entertainment out of a thing you have, and then think about purchasing something new! I dunno. There’s a razor-thin line between Having and Hoarding.
‘I own all this stuff, but I barely do anything with it!’ You know who else said that?? Tutankhamun. And he had his brains pulled out through his nostrils with a hook. I think there’s a lesson there for all of us.

I’m old enough to remember walking through a mall, and dodging invididuals who were standing round with a pen and clipboard, attempting to corral customers into being part of a marketing survey for whatever silly merchandise whatever stupid company was trying to sell. What I’d love, especially at this stage of my life, is to have some overcaffeinated advertising genius try to get me to buy a product… partially I’m curious to see if they actually would have something that I’d be keen on, and partially to see their crestfallen faces as they eventually realise that I’m far too much of an outlier/pervert to effectively market to. Sell me a modernised, polyphonic version of an ARP Axxe! Or how about a Blu-ray boxset of the entirety of the Æon Flux animated series? Sell me a 1:1 scale remote-controlled Mandy animatronic! Sell me a coat! You just gotta crack the code, lads, you can do it! I believe in you!! (this is a lie)

Sdtrk: ‘It’s a fine day’ by Jane

FACT: There’s not a man, woman, child, or pet, who isn’t familiar with film posters, no matter what country you reside in. But there are few things out there that come aesthetically close to the Polish film poster, which is a shame, as they’re unique, eye-catching, and wholly original. Some of them are flat-out terrifying, but again, that just adds to their distinction. They are incredible, and you’ll be seeing a few examples here whilst I natter on about them at length, as is my custom. Be sure to click on each image to get a full-size view as well!

‘The birds’ by Bronislaw Zelek / ‘Midnight cowboy’ by Waldemar Swierzy

A good Polish film poster (hereafter referred to as PFP) can stand alone as an artistic illustration, and doesn’t necessarily need to have a film to promote at all. Which is in contrast to how Hollywood does it, where a movie poster is an advertisement and little else. It kinda reinforces my thoughts as to why I dislike Hollywood, as really, ever since the end of the ‘New Hollywood‘ era, which went from the mid-Sixties up to the early Eighties, the movie industry is less about promoting creativity and artistic uniqueness, and much more about how much money they can make. There’s a post I’m periodically working on about the difference between movies and films, but that’s for another time. Unless I’ve finished it, in which case, I’ll replace this very line with a link to it!

‘Danton’ by Wiesław Wałkuski / ‘Blade runner’ by Michał Książek

The main characteristic for over half of the PFPs I’ve run across is that they’re opaque and somewhat cryptic. First time I saw the one for ‘Danton’, which I believe was the first PFP I’d ever seen, I had no idea what I was looking at, and it was, and still is, incredibly startling. To this day, it remains my go-to example of a typical PFP. But the first time I saw it, I was like, ‘so I guess “Danton” is a horror film?’ It is not! It’s a period piece from 1983 starring Gérard Depardieu about Georges Danton during France’s Reign of Terror in 1794. But if you had no clue beforehand about the film’s premise, you certainly wouldn’t get that from seeing that Beksiński-esque nightmare. This stands in contrast to the Hollywood approach, which is Keep It Simple Stupid.

‘Fanny and Alexander’ by Stasys Eidrigevicius

I also really dig how they don’t follow conventional Hollywood Movie Poster Layout models, either. As mentioned, I loathe the meat grinder that is Hollywood, but can you blame me? Setting aside the blandness of the movies themselves, if you take a look at the posters used to promote their product, they are soulless (in a bad way) and boilerplate as hell. This 2013 post on The Wrap really lays out how bleak Hollywood’s approach to movie poster design has been for the past couple of decades, and it’s Not Good. Whereas a PFP inevitably draws you in through its vagueness and mystery… your interest is piqued, and you’re like ‘what’s this about?’ Granted, the vagueness can possibly backfire, as you could be expecting one thing and getting something else entirely; for example, you could be someone in Gdańsk in 1983 wanting to go see ‘Danton’ cos you’re in the mood for a scary film that evening. One thing is for certain, though; with the majority of the designs for PFPs, you’ll find they stick with you as arresting individual images, whether or not you’ve seen the film.

‘Barbarella’ by Kaja Saudek / ‘Predators pavilion’ by Pawel Kaminski

Going back to what I’ve said about Hollywood movie posters being adverts first, art maybe; sure, adverts have the potential to be cool and memorable; you need only check out the work of Saul & Elaine Bass or Paul Rand, among several others, to see that. However, when the posters all look the same, as you’d seen in the link to that article on The Wrap, it’s literally a case of you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. There’s almost zero creativity with movie posters from Hollywood, as they’re merely adverts to try to draw you and thousands of others like you into the theatre, to make some measure of profit on the millions of dollars sunk into whatever blockbuster the studios bolted together. As they’re merely adverts, there’s no effort to create them as something that can stand alone from the film it’s promoting as its own piece of artwork. There are always exceptions, but something like the couple of posters that Vasilis Marmatakis put together for Yorgos Lanthimos’ 2023 film ‘Poor things’ ain’t the rule, either poster-wise or film-wise. (Go watch ‘Poor things’, if you’ve not seen it already, as it’s a wild ride, Mr Toad.)

‘Un chien Andalou’ by Wiesław Wałkuski / ‘Cancer’ by Marek Freudenreich

It’s true that while they’re still advertisments, there are many who believe PFPs are much closer to ‘art’ than ‘product’. There’s a pair of aesthetically-groundbreaking identical twins by the names of Stephen and Timothy who are definitely artistically-minded film directors, as opposed to movie makers; you may know them as the Brothers Quay. Working mostly from their London-based Koninck Studios since 1979, they’ve made two feature-length films, worked on several music videos and telly adverts, and created close to forty short films, both stop-motion and live-action. But the thing they’ve often stated that really opened their eyes to unusual artistic viewpoints was, yes, the Polish film poster.

Legend has it that on their very first day at the Philadelphia College of Art—where they were studying illustration—they walked into an exhibition of Polish poster art that changed their life (though the invaluable catalogue to the exhibition dates the show two years after they matriculated, in April 1967). According to Ron Magliozzi, the curator of the MoMA exhibition, “it wasn’t simply the radical design…or the posters’ revelation of a foreign world of European opera, drama, music, and cinema that irresistibly attracted them—it was the fact that the posters spoke so freely of their subjects, as if consuming them.” It was “illustration art with the courage to be strange and ambiguous,” an idea which would strongly affect the budding illustrators.

And there’s a direct line from those posters that leads to the design language used by one of my favourite bands, Broadcast, as engineered by graphic designer Julian House; it’s blatantly apparent in the art of their second album, Haha sound.

‘Big sentiments make for good sports’ by Zygmunt Zaradkiewicz / ‘I married a witch’ by Wojciech Fangor

If there’s one thing you’ve learned about today, you’re now aware of Polish film posters; your aesthetic knowledge is expanded a bit more than it was yesterday. Unless you already knew about them, in which case, you’re ahead of the game! But what you’ve seen in this post isn’t even a fraction of the ones that are out there — they’re still being made, cos for one, Poland still exists. You also get the impression that since there’s been an upswing in interest in the past decade, particularly outside of the country, that the artists there are like ‘let’s get back to it, lads! THIS IS OUR TIME TO SHINE’, or similar. But you can see loads of them at either polishposter.com or Polish Poster Gallery; other online shops exist, of course. Plenty of prints are even for sale! Although I kinda have my eye on this Stanley Kubrick triptych, but I need to consider where I can put it, so until then, no-one’s allowed to buy it in the meantime

‘In the middle age’ by by Wiesław Wałkuski

Sdtrk: ‘Live at Brixton Academy 1999’ by Atari teenage riot

For decades, I’ve been considering myself to be an introvert — or, at the very least, an ambivert with the needle deep into the introvert end of the scale — and one of the characteristics that introverts like myself are defined as having is an interest in deep experience, whereas your bog-standard extravert is more keen on broad experience. So although I can’t live without music, I only really gravitate towards a handful of genres, relatively speaking; everything outside of those is ultimately grist for the mill. I enjoy the DiY immediacy of punk; the moroseness of post-punk; the austerity of synthpop; the artifice of new wave; the aesthetics of New Romantics, industrial, and Goth; the continental Sixties fun of yé-yé; the innovativeness of shoegaze; the technological nostalgia of radiophonics; the insidious cultural nostalgia of hauntology; the renegade attitude of electroclash; the consistency of Motorik; the danceability of electro and techno; the dynamism of noise, and the aggressiveness of power-electronics.
All I can say that I like about prog rock is the equipment they used, and even then, it’s like ehhh.

There is no way I can take this seriously

Until I moved out of my parents’ house for the first time back in the late Nineties and relocated to my mate Steve’s three-bedroom townhouse, aka the original Deafening silence, I never knowingly heard any prog. Steve was mates with Mike (of Vulne pro fame), Tim, and Wolfgang, and prog rock is the one music genre that all of ’em really dug, and still dig. Peter Gabriel-era Genesis, Yes, King Crimson, Rush, Pink Floyd, and maybe a few more besides? As stated, I’d never been exposed to prog — up until that point in my life, it was a direct line from classic alternative (i.e The Smiths, New order, The Cure, &c.) to classic industrial (nearly anything on Mute’s sub-label The Grey Area) to noise (Merzbow, Violent onsengeisha, C.C.C.C, &c.), with a detour into shoegaze (My bloody valentine, Lush, Slowdive, &c.).
I’m sure during the first couple of months of living with Steve, I’d expressed this to him, so he had me listen to his Cd copy of Nursery cryme, an album by Genesis, and I can honestly say that it did nothing positive for me. I can’t even remember how any of the songs sounded — which, in a way, is a bad thing; as an artist, one of your goals should be to leave some sort of impression on your audience, as apathy is no reaction at all. I do recall that like most prog, it’s a concept album, so I had to look up just now what the premise of it is on Wikipedia, and it sounds frankly tiresome.

“The Musical Box” was a lengthy piece that described a macabre story placed in Victorian Britain. A young boy, Henry, is accidentally decapitated by his friend Cynthia while playing croquet. Returning to the house, Cynthia plays Henry’s old musical box, which unleashes the spirit of Henry as an old man. Henry has become sexually frustrated and attempts to seduce Cynthia. The nurse enters the room and hurls the musical box at the wall, destroying both it and Henry.

And that’s just one song! Fuckin’ ‘ell. When I hear the words ‘concept album’, I reach for my gun.

There’s exceptions to every rule no matter what the subject is, but one of the reasons progressive rock bounces immediately off me is that the musicians involved all strike me as musos, to a man. It’s obvious that they’re classically trained and have a backlog of virtuosity, but it comes across less as being passionate about what they’re playing, and more like them showing off; a very ‘Look what I can do’ sort of attitude permeates the prog I’ve heard of.
Add to that the level of being up one’s own arse that seems to be a pillar of that genre, and that doesn’t help, either. I believe that if a person is artistically inclined, that some level of pretension is okay, whether it’s in one’s work or even in day-to-day living — as mentioned, I dig classic New Romantic, and I’m a semi-lapsed Goth — but prog strikes me as ALL PRETENSION, ALL THE TIME. The level of SERIOUSNESS as they majestically SING these overwrought LYRICS having to do with FANTASY WORLDS and VICTORIAN ENGLAND over RAMBLING TWENTY-MINUTE SYNTHESISER SOLOS goes beyond escapism for me, and into the realms of you have a very elitist attitude for someone with far too much LSD coursing through your veins. It’s not just unrelatable, it’s also treated as if it’s the Highest Possible Art. Again, music made by blokes who possess a lot of technical know-how, but just aren’t conveying a sense of fun, either in performing their work, or imparting that feeling to their listeners. But then, college rock bands and Weird Al have been called ‘fun’ and they strike me as being unbearably corny, and there are also individuals out there who thoroughly enjoy working with spreadsheets, so what do I know of ‘fun’?

Returning briefly to The Musical Box, there’s a Québec-based band of that name that is a tribute act to early-Seventies-era Genesis, and they perform the same songs, in the same costumes (replicas, I would assume), with the same light and slideshow that Genesis employed. Steve invited me to go with him to see them when they were at the Motor city Casino back in 2018, along with Wolfgang, Mike, and Tim. As I have zero reference points, it all looked to me like they knew what they were doing! It struck me as very theatrical. All I can really say is that the other lads absolutely got more out of it than I did!…
My ticket was free, I should add.

There is no way I can take this seriously

Many detractors of progressive mention that one of the reasons they dislike it is cos the songs go on far, far longer than they should. They’re not entirely wrong, but I can’t completely agree with that complaint as some of the music I enjoy can have long tracks, too. Like Askern’s lamp by Golau Glau (25min 48sec), or Video 586 by New order (23min 23sec), or even Hard lovin’ man by Merzbow (41min 49sec). Obviously those are from some of my favourite genres, but with a lengthy song, it should capture and hold my attention through interesting lyrics, musical dynamism, or both. If you’re singing about some silly prog faff, then my finger is going to inevitably creep towards the Next Track button.
Length, though, is an issue, particularly when you’re being subjected to a song that you’re already somewhat averse to to begin with. I kinda look at it the same way I look at the works of Stephen King, whose catalogue I have zero interest in, as my attitude towards both him and prog is basically ‘this really could have been shorter’.

I will state that at one point I actually purchased a prog album: Burning stone, a 1992 release by the Japanese group Ruins. It was marketed as prog crossed with noise, and I figured for me that’d be the musical equivalent of giving your dog a pill wrapped in bacon. To my chagrin, Ruins usually performs prog crossed with improvisational jazz; two genres that make me wince. The two points in their favour was 1) the fact that they sang in Kobaïan, which is the fictional language created by Christian Vander, the supermuso and possibly racist founder of French prog rock band Magma, and 2) Ruins, at least for that album, consisted of a drummer and a bassist, which is a combo I admire. Much like Death from above 1979, who I loved until I found out they were also problematic! But DFA79 isn’t prog, so they’ve at least got that going for them.
Also, I did go out of my way to get a *coughbackupcough* copy of the BBC Four documentary Prog Rock Britannia: An Observation in Three Movements years ago. The Britannia series, or whatever it’s called, was a cluster of documentaries that BBC Four released back in the early 2000s, with several excellent programmes like Synth Britannia, Punk Britannia, and many others. As ambivalent as I am about psychedelia, I found that even the Psychedelic Britannia film was fact-filled, well-directed, and incredible. I’m the sort of person who, even if I dislike something, I try to learn a bit about it, so I can have a more solid basis for my dislike…

That’s another thing: prog contains quite a few elements that, taken separately, I either don’t mind or I genuinely like! Analogue synthesisers! An appreciation for the literary arts! Seventies England! Being too artistic to be practical! But much in the same way that I would not take eel sushi, some potato chips, mint chocolate, and bacon, dump them all into a blender, and drink the chunky and uneven slurry that resulted, the combination of things which result in prog rock makes me want to lie down in the grass until the earth reclaims me. By its nature, music shouldn’t bore or irritate a listener, but with me, prog hits both of those goals exceptionally well.

I shouldn’t be entirely harsh; after all, it took me two albums each to get into both Throbbing gristle and Merzbow, so perhaps all I need to do is listen to a couple of releases by The Mars Volta or Dream theatre and it all may well click with me! Maybe then I’ll not only gain an appreciation and understanding of the musical aesthetics of progressive rock, finally being able to grasp its intrinsic beauty, but I’ll also be eager to devour more!
Nah, I honestly don’t see that happening. Life’s too short for constant 20min keyboard solos, mate

Sex pistol Steve Jones and his infamous/inspirational ‘I HATE PINK FLOYD’ shirt

Sdtrk: ‘Spiritual cramp’ by Christian death

Some of you may be vaguely aware that I had a brief but memorable stint as a technical director/telly personality on the self-described ‘infotainment show’ known as Half mask, courtesy of the public access class I took at Barden Cablevision Detroit during the early Nineties. Surprisingly, our programme even won third place for the network’s Best of the Best awards in 1993, and first place the very next year, but that’s neither here nor there right now. But I will still brag about it.
Anyway, I was asked along with the main host and one other person to attend the awards ceremonies to represent the show, but I decided that I’d paint my nails before doing so. However, instead of sensibly purchasing a bottle of Wet ‘n’ Wild #735A (‘Power Outage’) as I would begin doing on a regular basis later in life, I not only bought a pot of black model paint, but I’d completely overlooked the fact that it was matte black. Although I applied it to my nails regardless, it looked rather unusual… it put me in mind of Transformer-era Lou Reed, which is an act I had no problem following whatsoever.

You would’ve thought Angus MacLise would’ve been the first Velvet Underground member with painted nails

Then and there I’d come to the conclusion: gloss nailvarnish is the only proper choice for me, which is a statement I stand by to this day. Flash-forward to 2021, when Ursula Clarke, aka Dragonfly, aka Undead Barbie, finally saved up the appropriate funds to move into Deafening silence Plus. Much like everyone here except for our Dyanne, Ursula’s sartorial sense is Goth, but the specific flavour of Goth fashion she indulges in would be Nu Goth, and that sub-subculture really brought dull gloss black nails to the forefront. To be honest, I had no idea that dull gloss nailvarnish was even a thing until she told me all about it, and it’s a unique thing amongst unique things!

All of us here think of these as black candy

Gloss black presents a lovely reflective surface, whereas matte, by its very nature, absorbs light. The former is evocative of automobiles or PVC clothing, but the latter is the darkness of deep space in miniature. Which, all told, is one of the reasons Ursula paints her nails in dull gloss black. ‘It’s Ｔｈｅ Ｖｏｉｄ, but fashion !’ she once commented. All three finishes have their uses, however.

There’s an internationally-acclaimed artist out there who lives and works in London, England, by the name of Anish Kapoor. If you’re at all familiar with that name and were wondering what exactly I was leading up to with my tale of nailvarnish errors, you can now take this opportunity to point at your computer’s monitor and go aahhh, but for the rest, I should probably explain.
Back around 2016, several news outlets, blogs, and sundry YouTubers discussed a Bold New Development in The World of Paint known as Vantablack, developed by the English company Surrey NanoSystems. Apart from being an amazing name for a roller derby contestant, Vantablack is, according to Wikipedia, ‘a class of super-black coatings with total hemispherical reflectances (THR) below 1% in the visible spectrum […] composed of a forest of vertical carbon nanotubes “grown” on a substrate using a modified chemical vapor deposition process. When light strikes Vantablack, instead of bouncing off, it becomes trapped and continually deflected amongst the tubes, absorbed, and eventually dissipated as heat.’ Which is crazy.

It’s… actually a wee bit terrifying. It’s like an ACME Portable Hole

As riveting and totally mind-boggling the concept of Vantablack is, I’m going to pause here and talk a bit about Kapoor, to create narrative tension. Born in 1954 in Mumbai, India; relocated to England in 1973, and has been there ever since; originally in Liverpool, then with a move to London shortly after. He’s developed numerous architectural projects, as well as created stage sets for a few operas, on top of creating four decades’ worth of sculptures and installation pieces, plus being awarded the Turner Prize in 1991, but if you’re an American, especially one who’s familiar with downtown Chicago, Illinois, you’ll possibly have seen one of his more recent works either on telly or in person.

Your Humble Narrator and Euchre at Cloud gate, circa 2014. His head is normally that blurry, as his surname is Seurat

Cloud gate, or as too many people have dubbed it, ‘the Bean’, was completed in 2006, from 168 stainless steel plates that were welded together, and is 33 x 66 x 42ft (10 x 20 x 13m), weighing in at a tidy 100 tons. That’s the thing about Kapoor: a lot of his work consists of massive intimidating sculptures, and a fascination with reflective surfaces, bold colours, and voids. He is, as I understand him, a maximalist. Apart from being the polar opposite of minimalism, of course, maximalism is an expression of excess. More ornamentation than usual, larger proportions, overstatement rather than understatement, ‘more is more’. You know — like your average American. ZING.
Two excellent examples of maximalist architects would be Étienne-Louis Boullée, who I learnt of via the 1987 Peter Greenaway film ‘The belly of an architect’, and Albert Speer, who was famous for other, awful reasons. But if you look at either of their works, they’re characterised by a gigantic sense of scale; examples of two of Boullée’s would be here and here, and one of Speer’s is here. Even though both men had their sponsors, most of their proposals didn’t get far past the blueprint stage, as you can imagine, as they were just too feckin’ big.
On the other hand, Kapoor’s catalogue consists of these beauties, amongst others:

Untitled, 1995

Spire, 2014

Sectional body preparing for monadic singularity (love that title), 2015

Leviathan, 2009

Honestly, a lot of his work strikes me as being really cool! The first, second, and fourth pieces remind me of the covers of Coil’s two album set, A guide for beginners: A silver voice and A guide for finishers: A golden hair. Unfortunately, though, Kapoor himself strikes me as really petty.
Around 2014, Vantablack S-VIS, which is the sprayable version of the paint, was exclusively licenced to Kapoor’s studio, meaning only he was allowed to access and use it. Understandably, many people in the art world were upset with this course of action, resulting in petitions and public complaints from other artists, to no avail. Kapoor dismissed all concerns with an attitude that’s very much ‘this is mine now, sucks to be you’. In response to his being a covetous shitfridge, competing artist Stuart Semple developed his own unique shade of paint. This is where we’re at now — response paint. The whole scenario is like a rap beef! Not wrapped beef, though; that’s mostly different.

So what’s the deal with Stuart Semple? A Dorset lad born in 1980, Semple’s dabbled in sculpture, paintings, and performance art, but more significantly, he has a much more egalitarian view towards democratising the tools that artists need. What that translates to is that he’ll make free (or significantly cheaper) versions of trademarked colours that would otherwise only have exclusive use by certain artists or companies. There’s International Klein Blue, the extremely rich shade of blue pigment developed and patented by Yves Klein in 1960; Semple’s made Incredibly Kleinish Blue. The corporation Mattel has trademark protection on Pantone 219 C, otherwise known as Barbie Pink; Stuart Semple offers you Pinkie. So far, I like this Stuart Semple chap! Plus, one of his hairstyles is just a sweeping wave of fringe, much like 1982-era Phil Oakey. Looks a bit like the musician and artist Momus, too, but Stuart has the use of both of his eyes.

Prior to Pinkie, however, the wrapped beef began when Semple learnt of Kapoor’s monopoly on Vantablack. In 2016, Semple released PINK, which he claims is ‘the “pinkest pink” paint available’, and in an effort to curtail Kapoor’s avariciousness, buyers of PINK had to sign a legal document when purchasing it which not only specifically excluded Anish Kapoor from buying some, but any of Kapoor’s associates as well. Things escalated, however, when not only did Kapoor obtain a jar of PINK in December of that same year, he followed up with a post on Instagram that underlined his level of mental maturity and classiness:

(Fear not, it’s only a screenshot, as I will never link to Instagram)

Yep. After that, Semple released the pigments BLACK 2.0 and BLACK 3.0, which are again, affordable paints… at least, I assume they’re affordable, as I’ve not bought paint since the Best of the Best Barden Cablevision awards ceremony, but I’m sure they’re much less expensive than Vantablack. Since then, Semple’s expanded his oeuvre to include other colours, plus he’s up to BLACK 4.0 these days, if you’re keeping score. Overall, though, the most amusing thing that’s resulted from Kapoor’s juvenile stupidity would be Semple developing a pigment called Diamond Dust, which is ‘an extremely reflective glitter made of crushed glass shards that are designed to hurt Kapoor if he dipped his finger in it,’ which is both fantastically petty, and entirely justifiable.
Now all of this Bay of Pig(ment)s-level (sorry) brinksmanship is a fascinating carcrash for those of us standing outside of it. However, the unfortunate thing is that Kapoor still has the exclusive rights to Vantablack, when all’s said and done, and I’m sure this decade-long feud only has him digging his heels in further.

One of Surrey NanoSystems’ competitors, Nanolab, headquartered in Massachusetts, have their own supermegaultra black paint, named Singularity Black, who I could’ve sworn was the lead singer of the Pixies. Originally created for NASA, Nanolab are being the better people in that not only have they made Singularity Black available for everyone, but for any artist who’s really interested in how to effectively use the paint, Nanolab are more than willing to share info and advice with them. Much like Semple’s BLACK series, a person can buy an artist’s sample — however large that is — for only USD$30. That’s nothing money! Which is appropriate, as you’re buying Nothingness.
Artist Jason Chase, who worked with Nanolab to basically exhibit Singularity Black, was quoted as saying,

‘It is important to create access so artists can use it,’ said Chase. ‘Artists are always the ones who take new materials and push them to new limits. Singularity Black is the perfect new medium to foster such experimentation and development across a global community. This super black paint and its possibilities have been stunted by not being available to experiment with. (emphasis mine) Starting with my work, those days are over.

I imagine Jason slamming his fist onto the podium with that last word, there. But it should go without saying that he’s right: some arsehole gains exclusivity to something new, innovative, and helpful, and progress in that field grinds to a halt. Thankfully in this case, it didn’t, as Nanolabs took over where Surrey NanoSystems failed. So while Singularity Black apparently isn’t quite as dark as Vantablack, it’s still as near as damnit, which means that ultimately, Kapoor’s just paid for the name. Hope it’s worth it, bunky.

I’m one of those people who believes that the words and actions that a person says or does are intrinsically tied to whoever said/made them, whether if it’s blatant, or if they try to spin it like ‘I just said those things cos I was angry; I don’t actually think like that‘. If you’re a venal, hateful human being, but you’ve created something that I previously enjoyed, eight times out of ten, I’ll stop enjoying what you’ve done, as I don’t want to tacitly approve of you being a fuckwit (e.g: Morrissey, Ricky Gervais, John Lydon, Terry Gilliam, and others). I’m painfully aware that Organik humans aren’t morally black & white; some say the ambiguity makes humans interesting, but ‘interesting’ to me means ‘either good or bad’. It’d be nice if people were more cut-and-dried with their thoughts and personalities, as that’d make things astonishingly easier for everyone.
But my point, really, is that sometimes I have to wincingly separate the art from the artist with someone toxic such as Kapoor, much like how I dig the work of Gilbert & George, even though they’re pro-Brexit monarchists, and every time, it’s a struggle. Thankfully I don’t have the attachment to Kapoor’s work as I do with other artists whose work I’m keen on, but need to be shoved into traffic due to their morals. It’s some small solace to know that there are millions of people in the same quandary as myself; however, that doesn’t solve the root of the problem.

As much of a twat Kapoor is, one of the only decent thing I’ve known him to do was file a lawsuit against the NRA back in 2018, as the organisation apparently used footage of Cloud gate as part of one of their pro-gun adverts, so that’s something. Again with the Organik human ambiguity: sues a hateful group of psychopaths for unauthorised use of his work in a pro-psychopath campaign one day; prohibits the use of what could be a boon to thousands of artists due to his greed the other. Ugh.

And that, dear readers, is a sterling example of how the modern art world is far too concerned about the monetary value of various works and the return on investment various artists are believed to have. Art should be viewed as a mode of expression first, a decoration second, and an investment never.
That statement really only peripherally applies to this post, but I still stand by it, and frankly, I couldn’t think of any other way to end this! You’re welcome

Told you it was affordable

Sdtrk: ‘Title theme from Bombay talkie’ by Shankar Jaikishan

Pretty much all the medications out there have some unhinged super-chemical name, right? So why are the brand names just as alien? ‘The average person won’t remember the name Guanfacine, so let’s call it something normal like Intuniv’. Wait, what?
I know, I know, it’s brand names, it’s marketing, it’s annoying. Someone should make an online quiz, though: Medication Brand Name or Random Cluster of Syllables?

‘Ask your doctor about Rolopropophal® (quivexonine) today.’
STREET NAME: Hard carpet. Sure, why not.

Great, now Rolopropophal is in my phone’s autosuggestions

Sdtrk: ‘Heaven sent’ by Josef K

A couple of nights ago, I’d dreamt I was at a Doll Parliament* in upper Ontario, where the hosts had two Rottweilers. At some point I was leaving the livingroom to step outside for a smoke — a Djarum, naturally — and the dogs, as they tend to do, got startled, and they each leapt at me and clamped onto my ears. Both of the hosts had to remove them (one host per dog), but unfortunately I lost my ears… I remember seeing one of them, neatly removed and unmangled, lying face-up on the blue pile carpeting. It’s almost as if they detached, which really was the most amusing thing under the circumstances.

There aren’t a lot of people who will dig this post, but I have a confession: overall, I’m not really keen on dogs. They’re fine from a great distance away, but I am not a dog person. I don’t really like how dogs possess an unending torrent of nervous, excitable, and unpredictable energy. To be fair, I prefer to not be around humans who are like that for long periods of time, either, but at least if you tell a person ‘hey, let’s… bring it down a notch,’ they’ll understand you, which is more than I can say for dogs. But as someone who prefers his environs to be quiet 95% of the time, having to put up with the sounds of running, or jumping, or scampering, let alone barking, is not my idea of a good time.

More pressing of a dislike for me is that dogs tend to be filthy most of the time. It’s understandable; these are creatures that glean a lot of information through what they can smell, but to those of us who are semi-recovering germophobes, they’re frankly kinda disgusting. Constantly rolling around in dirt and mud, all that shedding, rooting through rubbish face-first — and then licking your face — all that peeing and pooping, sticking their noses up other dogs’ bums, the leg-humping… I don’t need to go on; you’ve encountered a dog or two, I’m sure, so you’re familiar with their work. Their behaviour puts me in mind of that blurb The Onion ran a few years ago, ‘Area Dog’s Rock Bottom Same As His Peak‘. That’s not satire, that’s fact. To me, outside stops at our front door (well, the foyer), whereas to a dog, the world is their room, and those differences between us are irreconcilable.

Now I understand that genetically speaking, dogs are territorial, and when humans domesticated them, trained them to be protective of their owners’ territory, but all I’m saying is that they don’t have to be aggressive and in a constant state of high alert at all times, especially if whatever dog has seen you several times previously; it’s not as if you’re a stranger. I mean, I was raised christian, for example, and during the late Eighties, I became an atheist, which I still am to this day. All I’m saying to dogs is that they can change if they want to. Consider being less aggressive and loud, dogs. Give it some thought.

Although I know it’s largely steeped in nonsense, I think there’s a bit of something to the line of thinking that ‘dogs and dog people are extraverts, while cats and cat people are introverts’. Yeah, it’s a broad brush, and you don’t have to take much time to poke numerous holes in that theory, but despite the fact that there are calm dogs and excitable cats, I broadly see it applying. Generally speaking, dogs are eager to please (except when you tell them to stop barking), whereas cats do what they bloody well like when they bloody well like it. I’m reminded of a joke: a person with a dog and a cat has a stick, and they throw it into the distance and tell the dog to fetch it, which the dog does. The person does this a few more times with the same result. At some point, they throw the stick and tell the cat to go fetch, at which the cat responds ‘If you want the stick so badly, why do you keep throwing it away in the first place?’
But dogs are more open in their behaviour and presentation — again, generally speaking — while cats are more enigmatic and furtive in theirs, instances of zoomies aside. Apropos of nothing, much like a strikingly high number of people of his generation and demographic growing up in the Southern US, my father hated cats, as he didn’t trust them. He wasn’t keen on their inscrutable and complex nature, much as he wasn’t too keen on people that he didn’t view as straightforward and easy-to-understand. That’ll be yet another reason why he and I ultimately didn’t get on very often!
It’s funny: before mum had me, she and my father had a chow for a number of years. Are they called chows, or chow-chows?? Nevertheless, I didn’t ask them too much about said chow, due to the fact that it was a dog and not an animal I was more interested in, but I always thought it was really jarring for my father to have had this obedient animal for years, then to have a wilful son who fell far short of his ludicrous expectations. I think there’s a lesson there for all of us.

I should stress here that I don’t hate dogs! They’re animals, so they should be protected and deserve love, as in their own loud and graceless way, they constantly show unconditional love to the humans they live with. I just feel that dogs are too much for someone like me to deal with, as they’re walking embodiments of overstimulation. Which is fine! For dog aficionados, not me, that is.
In fact, as I don’t want to end this entry on a downer, allow me to list my favourite makes and models of dog:

the Corgi: a wee shoebox with a head and li’l legs

the Husky: admittedly I’m probably drawn to huskies due to their monochromatic colour scheme

the Pomeranian: they always seem very happy to be wherever they’re at, plus they’re great for dusting surfaces

the Shiba Inu: I liked ’em long before Doge was a thing

the Scottish terrier: remarkable eyebrow, moustache, and beard combo

and the AIBO ERS-220: designed by legendary mecha designer Shouji Kawamori, very friendly, sleek, and futuristic

Finally, in the interest of full disclosure, we actually have a dog here at Deafening silence Towers! She came with the place when we moved in, but Tsukihime renamed her Salty, as in ‘she’s a salty bitch’. Zero shedding and doesn’t bark! As far as dogs go, you’re doin’ alright, Salty

I told her ‘Stay!’ once back in September of 2023, and she hasn’t moved since.
Good girl!

*In case you’re unfamiliar with the term: I used to get together with a couple of other local area iDollators in informal gatherings that we referred to as Doll Congresses, like during the second Michigan Doll Congress, for example. Whenever we got together round at a fellow iDollators home in Ontario, Canada, we called it a Doll Parliament, obviously