Has Aquafina always tasted like aluminum water? It can’t just be me, and I’m sure that Apollinaris, the Queen of Table Waters, would wholeheartedly agree. Maybe the ad copy on the label can provide some insights..

All bottled waters are not the same.
Yes; studies have shown that some actually taste good, as opposed to tasting like iron filings.

Aquafina’s state-of-the-art HydRO-7™ purification system consistently removes substances most other bottled waters leave in.
I keep picturing a steel pot ov boiling water on a stove. The pot has a two-week old coffee filter swirling around within, and the stove is a fetching shade ov avocado. Ladies and gentlemen, I present.. the HydRO-7™ Purification System. Long may it stand, never shall it fall.

So the only thing you taste in your water . . . is water.
*snickering* Or maybe coffee filters?

Aquafina.
Which, by the way, is Latin for ‘Final Water’. The water that you will drink before you DIE.
That’s what killed Socrates, y’know.

Pure Water.
‘There’s too much oxygen in this water! They must’ve mixed it funny.’

Perfect Taste.
Relative to, perhaps, a tall foamy glass ov bear sputum, then I would heartily agree!

Every time.
‘AQUAFINA: Lower your Standards™.’

And as I can see, now that I’ve gotten to the bottom ov the label, I see that it’s ‘Bottled by Independent Bottlers Under the Authority of PepsiCo, Inc.’ It all makes sense to me now! I can’t feckin’ stand Pepsi. This ‘Aquafina’ shit is probably the countless unsold gallons ov Pepsi Clear that they used to produce! Ahhh, another piece ov the brackish, distasteful puzzle falls into place

Just checked my grades online:

*does Jerry McGuire-esque pumping motion with fist*
That’s a fine GPA! I should quit while I’m on top. 🙂

To celebrate, I shall go watch a fillum. Besides, right now, my Internet connection is acting really squirrely, and I don’t have the patience for it

Just so you know, I change the blog description every week (found beneath the title in the lefthand sidebar). One day, there might be a quiz on this

*dial dial*
*ring ring ring*
SOME GUY: ‘Hello?’
ME: ‘Ah, hi! Is Denise Garner there?’
SOME GUY: ‘Sorry, Denise no longer lives here.’
ME: ‘O! Ahh.. sorry to have bothered you.’
SOME GUY: ‘Alright.’
ME: ‘Bye.’
*click*

So I was sitting in my car in a BestBuy parking lot this afternoon, eating sushi and getting my practise in for the day that I can get to California and begin my career ov stalking Winona Ryder, and I had the ignition switched to ACC, so I could listen to some music. I had to momentarily step out in order to toss some empties into the trunk, and naturally, the ‘hey, you’ve left your keys in the ignition’ alarm sounded. I got to thinking — that alarm is way too innocuous ov a sound to be genuinely useful. If I were to redesign that feature, it would be guaranteed 100% effective in keeping people from locking their keys in the car. I picture it as being a constant tone, perhaps feedback-based, five times louder than the car’s horn. The idea is that it would generate a sound so loud, so annoying, that it would force you to think ‘what in holy fuck is that sound?? O wait — my keys!!’ Cos if you’re anything like me, a pathetic ‘ping ping ping’ isn’t going to garner any real attention.

‘AAARGH THAT SOUND AAAH MY KEYS HOLY SHIT SO PAINFUL, BUT I’M SO GLAD THAT IT SAVED ME FROM LOCKING MY DAMN FOOL SELF OUT OF MY OWN FECKING CAR FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK pop AARGH THERE GOES MY EARDRUMS, NOW I’M BLEEDING LIKE A STUCK PIG, BUT BY CHRIST I’VE GOT MY KEYS’ *jingles keys* ‘WHAT D’YOU MEAN I’M STILL YELLING??’

I met with Kathy, another Close Friend From My Distant Hazy Past, on Monday afternoon. Having dutifully spritzed myself with some ov the Old spice cologne she bought fo me years ago, I was reminded ov how keen I am on perfumes & colognes; which is to say, not at all. I mean, I like Old spice — I suggested it to her as being my favourite cologne (shut up), and obviously I prefer them over the smell ov sweat and other natural human aromas, but only by a slim margin. I’m one ov those individuals who prefers people to smell like absolutely nothing at all; the olfactory equivalent ov looseleaf paper.
Having said that, my favourite smells would be, in no particular order,

+ Old typewriter
+ New car
+ Bubblegum
+ Pine tree
+ Silicone
+ and fighting for last place, lavender & clove cigarettes.

But I daresay I’d be hard-pressed to find a lass that would willingly go round smelling like bubblegum

The Goddess of Stuff dropped by for a bit before I sped off to work on Fri. My copy ov ‘Foot: A playful biography’ was delivered, as well as my ‘Crash babies’ silkscreen. w00t! I’m really glad I panicked and ordered it when I did, as I have print number 155 ov 160. *mops brow*

Also, I received a letter from Oakland Community College, stating that they’ve gotten my Free Application For Student Aid. Now alls I have to do is submit a couple ov forms, and with any luck, they’ll bestow a generous grant upon me, or something equally good..

The lads & I might try to catch Beat Takeshi’s ‘Zatoichi’ over at some cinema in Birmingham Sat eve..

A PS2 game that I, as well as a small yet rabid handful ov others, have eagerly been awaiting, will see a domestic release on 21 Sept. Its name? Katamari damashii. Its price? TWENTY DOLLARS. I am in love with the world! 🙂

And this might be the best / funniest thing I’ve heard all week — William Shatner (with the help ov Joe Jackson) covering Pulp’s ‘Common people’. Staggering.

Not much ov an update, I know, but I’ll doubtless have more ov an interesting post this Sun, for your edification