typed for your pleasure on 23 July 2004, at 7.50 pm
Aw yeah — now this is what I’m talkin’ ’bout. 🙂
From: Burl Mcwilliams
Sent: Friday, July 23, 2004 12:25 AM
To: dnelsonx@hotmail.com
Subject: I love large wafnkers
She won’t be able to handle this
http://unapprehensively.recoverableness.justenlargeme.com:85/alice/
Kindly stop it
http://indomitable.millfeed.justenlargeme.com:85/alice/idiot/
wineconner telexing conservable garancine watch practicedness rightwards abridge unobtruding quenchlessly dextroduction surfaced musophagi reverberant satisdation bellhop smutchy parigenin magani megatypy stroil blarina messiah interlay biquadrantal traditionalise tatu ticking turtan orobancheous tasselled deadborn fibrocartilaginous
I mean, really; where does one begin? This is the best blend ov Confusion and Humour I’ve seen all day. It’s the Email equivalent ov Anthony Burgess, J.G Ballard and Tyler Durden beating each other over the heads with medical textbooks
Posted in What the | No comments yet »
typed for your pleasure on 20 July 2004, at 4.06 am
Just got an Email from a ‘Bart Short’, which is a rather normal name, unlike his Eddress (Ojpyoql@tong.com.cn), who is offering me a copy ov ‘Windqws 2O0O Advanced zokrv Serwer’. Which is really ace, cos I’ve been waiting for those zokrv Serwers to go on sale!
The very first thing at the head ov the Email is
That pressing always to do work better and faster solves nearly every
no company can be said to be stable which is not so well managed that it
which leaves me utterly speechless, but then at the bottom, we’ve got 21 lines ov ‘text’, the best ov which begins
French Department of Commerce and Industry took one of our steeringLwiks spcx lfcm udndmhtbo mztjvfg mplhgvazzpb lqptb nfhvbkofos jqyptwp huspevrax slwp ozlsnmriex jam yrclajawb
It’s starting to come together now! The French Department of Commerce and Industry took one of their steeringLwiks spcx! That’s why they can offer such low prices on copies ov Windqws 2O0O Advanced zokrv Serwer. They’re missing an important steeringLwiks spcx, so you could say that the loss they experienced due to the French is my gain! WOOO HOOO
*clicks ‘Report as Spam’*
Posted in What the | No comments yet »
typed for your pleasure on 20 July 2004, at 12.58 am
Spam these days stuns me with its ‘we’re getting into your Inbox by hook or by crook’ methods. Next time you’re exceedingly bored, take a moment to open a missive* sent to you from personages such as ‘Discolorations E. Challenge’ or ‘big poppa’ or the esteemed ‘Jerry Issac Arnulfo Carol Orval Lynn Rex Barry’ and see what they have to say. Here’s a sample from one that slipped under my radar today:
>If you’re too busy to help those around you succeed, you’re too busy.
>Why so large a cost, having so short a lease, does thou upon your
>fading mansion spend?
>It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend.
>True happiness comes from the joy of deeds well done, the zest of
>creating things new.
>Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
That’s actually a tame one. Most ov the ones I receive have random strings ov words lining the bottom, in paragraphs 10 to 12 lines deep. None ov the words have anything to do with each other, or with the context ov the Email itself. My guess is that they’re MacGuffins for mail filters; throw enough random words in the mix, and the filter will let it slip thru, like a drowsy & underpaid security guard. It’s COLLATERAL TEXT DAMAGE!! Next time I get one ov those, I’ll post it here. They’re a treat
*but for the love ov Odhinn, don’t click on anything. If your harddrive begins leaking clarified butter cos ‘Davecat told me to open a spam Email’, don’t fucking blame me, stupid
Posted in What the | 2 comments »
typed for your pleasure on 19 July 2004, at 7.00 pm
I was vaguely depressed earlier when I started this thing (which, I think, is a driving factor behind a lot ov people doing Blogs to begin with — teenagers, please think twice before you litter the Internet with yet another fucking Deadjournal). It wasn’t so much depression as tiredness & ennui, really.. it’s a long story, and perhaps I’ll elaborate later, but this had me laughing like a maniac. I bring you Ulli’s Roy Orbison in Cling-film Website. Wow.
‘You are completely wrapped in cling-film,’ I say.
‘You win the bet,’ says Roy, muffled. ‘Now unwrap me.’
‘Not for several hours.’
‘Ah.’
You simply can’t get fiction like that just anywhere! I think there’s a reason for that
Posted in What the | No comments yet »
