Sdtrk: ‘Three-way’ by Magnetic fields

Apart from the previous post, which is again due to an inside tip from the Inspector of Safe Tea, I do believe I’m in another writing slump! Let’s analyse the possible reasons:

+ Found a new copy of Half-life 2 for the XBLOX at a Kmart for $5 USD. I’d always wanted to play it before, but the computer I owned at the time was woefully inadequate for running it. But now, I can catch up on all the fun that my mates were having back in 2004! So for Xmas 2007, I would like a gravity gun

+ When I’m not busy playing that, I’m logging far too many hours in on Warriors Orochi, as previously mentioned in this post. Short of unlocking four or five of the seventy-odd characters, finishing about eight stages, and grinding various characters’ levels, I’m all done! In short, I have much work to do

+ Getting Deafening silence Plus in some semblance of order. Yes, still. It’s actually 98% done — the dining area is now home to IKEA’s priced-to-move LAVER table and four chairs set — but the only major task that still needs to be done is to move my loveseat in. Which I could do myself if I had a gravity gun. Honestly, the most time-consuming thing, though, was setting up my vast collection of figures and toys collectibles into a stunning tableau, which I think I’ve finally accomplished, praise “Bob”.

Click here for full-sized version; opens in new window

Not pictured: the other third of my collection, either up against the adjoining wall, or in boxes about to be deployed, once I get more rack shelving.

+ And Reason Number the First: I’ve been feeling under the weather again. Yes, again. Monday I awakened with a dull ache in my guts, which intensified and moved upwards from my stomach into my chest whenever I belched or breathed too deeply. I mentioned this to Steph when she and I were buying sushi from our usual place with her hubby Derek Tuesday night, and she said my symptoms sounded quite a lot like when she was getting pneumonia. Heh, check that off of my List of Things to Do! Thankfully, upon seeing my GP this morn, he diagnosed it was heartburn. Heartburn! Exacerbated by post-nasal drip, as the weather’s been bitterly cold lately, but heartburn! He gave me prescriptions for Prilosec and Flonase, and kicked me unceremoniously out of his office for wasting his precious time.
In my defence, I’ve never had heartburn this bad before. That shit hurts when it migrates up my torso. Lesson learned? Don’t eat an hour before bedtime. in fact, just don’t eat, to be absolutely certain.

So yeah! I’ll be in Writing Form again soon, I’m sure. Or something?

O, and speaking of Xmas, my friends (you know who you are) would do well to update their Amazon wish lists. Just sayin’. Here’s mine! Also just sayin’.
Remember, my rules for Xmas apply just like they have for the past couple of years: everyone gets a Xmas prezzie, just not necessarily at Xmas

Sdtrk: ‘Waterloo’ by ABBA

Unbloodybelievable. Just when you thought that Gerrrraldo soliciting me was the Pinnacle of Unlikely, this was sent to my Myspace Inbox:

From: CBS Paramount (myspace.com/cbsparamount)
Date: Oct 29, 2007 5:04 PM
Subject: Dr. Phil Show!

Hi Davecat!

My name is Heather Mansfield and I work for the Dr. Phil show here in Los Angeles. I have been trying to get a hold of you because we are extremely interested in doing a story about you and others like you who are Real Doll lovers. If you are at all interested in this, please let me know! My number here is [phone number].

Thanks so much!
Heather Mansfield

‘Trying to get a hold of you’. Like I’m extraordinarily difficult to contact or something.
What else could I say? I mean, apart from

From: Davecat
Date: Oct 31, 2007 12:10 AM
Subject: RE: Dr. Phil Show!

Hey Heather –

Thanks for the offer, but I’m afraid I must decline. For one, I don’t really know who Dr Phil is — I’ve not watched broadcast television since ‘Seinfeld’ went off the air — but somehow I don’t think that being on national television with people who are more than likely either out to ‘convert’ me, or make a mockery of my preference in partners, would be the best decision I’ve made all week. Besides, I’m really no longer doing interviews for free, and I’m fairly certain that CBS isn’t exactly willing to ante up air fare both to and from LA, as well as lodging, and at least half the cost of a new RealDoll (Sidore is in need of a new body). I could of course be wrong, but somehow I doubt it…

Don’t be too disappointed! I turned down appearing on Geraldo’s little media circus for the same reasons!

Cheers,
Davecat, with valued assistance from Sidore

Strangely, she’s not responded! Granted, she might be awaiting a phone call instead of another Email, but I just can’t see myself calling LA just to say ‘sorry, no, and should I have heard of this Dr Phil person?’
Truth be told, I do know who he is, but I’m not too keen on his work. If you’re a legitimate psychiatrist/counselor/witch doctor, somehow I think you’d be concentrating more on private consultations with your patients than being a high-profile media personality. But that’s just me. Tsukihime compared him (favourably) to Oprah, at which point I think I actually made a gagging sound.

Like I always say in instances like this, I was spoiled by having my first television appearance conducted with the wonderful Elisabeth Alexandre, as she and I corresponded via Email for almost three months before she asked if I’d like to be a part of ‘Eves de silicone’ for the public telly station France 3 back in 2001. (Yes, Sidore and I have been on television several times prior to ‘Guys and Dolls’. Hit up ‘Shouting etc etc’s search engine *points to sidebar* if you’re curious, as I’m too lazy to link them right now) Her approach was like good dating: get to know the person first, feel them out, then ask them out. ‘Dr’ Phil and sensitive investigator Geraldo are like ‘Say babe, you look interesting. Wanna come back to my place and fuck?’ Some people don’t mind that, obviously, but I’m not one of them. Errr, it depends on who’s asking. But my point is that a little research on me and iDollator culture before asking after an interview is pretty damned important…

Miss Hyde had brought up an interesting question recently — will there be a similar wave of hype for ‘Lars etc etc’ over in the UK? Will it even be screened in the UK? Somehow I don’t picture it as being such a tremendous affair as it is here, as being a Doll owner or lover isn’t as widespread (yet) as it is in the States, but there’s always a chance…
You know who I think it’d be fun to be interviewed by, should Britain decide to start making discrete enquiries? Jonathan Ross. Going by what shows I’ve seen of his, namely all three episodes of Americana (his documentary series on American midwestern culture) and the entire run of Japanorama (his loveletter concerning all things Japan), I think he’d be one of the more suitable candidates — he’s a self-confessed otaku, and he has a uniquely distinctive image and style, consisting mostly of baggy dress suits in unusual colours. When Nick and Tanya were filming the Missus and I, they’d mentioned that the concept of RealDolls might well be up his alley. Huh. Up to anything next Spring, Wossy?

Now would any other ill-advised opportunists like to put a bid in? The line forms to your left

Sdtrk: ‘Dokumenti II’ by Laibach

Were it less jaw-droppingly non sequitur, I wouldn’t be writing about it. But dig what was in my Inbox a day or so ago:

from: “Tracy, Kevin”
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail.com
date: Oct 25, 2007 5:19 PM
subject: Inquiring about an interview with Geraldo Rivera

Hello Davecat,

My name is Kevin Tracy and I am writing to you on behalf of Geraldo Rivera. This weekend on our show we are doing a story that goes along with the release of the film “Lars and The Real Girl” and in researching the story I came across an interview you did with Marie Claire magazine. I was wondering if you might be interested in doing an interview with Geraldo Rivera this weekend on his program “Geraldo At Large”. The interview would center around your relationship with your doll Sidore. If you are interested in coming on the program this weekend please feel free to reply to this message or give me a call at my desk, [phone number]. I will be leaving the office for the evening soon but can be reached on my blackberry by e-mail. Thanks in advance for considering this request and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,
Kevin Tracy

————————————–
Kevin Tracy
Production Assistant
Geraldo At Large
blah blah blah address

Yeah, that’s exactly what I said. After shaking my head vigorously in order to clear it, I responded,

from: pulsedemon [at] gmail.com
to: “Tracy, Kevin”
date: Oct 26, 2007 3:24 AM
subject: Re: Inquiring about an interview with Geraldo Rivera

Hi Kevin –

Well, thanks for the offer! I feel I should mention, though:

1) I live in Michigan — New York’s a bit of a ways away for me,
2) That Marie Claire UK article was completely unauthorised — I wasn’t actually interviewed, the story was engineered based on other articles I genuinely participated in,
3) I’m only doing television interviews that will compensate me for my time. Being Davecat is a full-time job, but the pay is awful, and
4) Unfortunately, when I hear the name ‘Geraldo Rivera’, I think ‘sensationalist media’. Being crucified on national television because of my preference for Synthetik women isn’t exactly on my list of life goals.

Thanks, though!

Cheers,
Davecat, with valued assistance from Sidore

In the interest of disclosure, this is what he wrote back:

from: “Tracy, Kevin”
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail.com
date: Oct 26, 2007 10:02 AM
subject: RE: Inquiring about an interview with Geraldo Rivera

Hi Davecat,

Thanks for getting back to me. I fully understand your position however, please let me try to put some of your fears to rest. First off Geraldo has not been that sensational media type of personality since the mid-90’s. Geraldo is now a serious journalist who has traveled to Iraq, Hurricane Katrina, and recently just got back from covering the wildfires in California. Secondly in coming on the show you would not be berated, or as you put it “crucified”, at all. We are simply interested in learning about the lifestyle choices that people such as you make especially due to the fact that this type of lifestyle has been brought into the spotlight with the release of “Lars and The Real Girl” in theaters today. Finally, as far as compensation goes, as we are a news organization, we are unable to pay for interviews. However, we would be more than willing to fly you out to New York and put you up in a hotel for the night as I definitely understand that Michigan is quite a distance away. If any of this at all helps to change your mind about coming on our program please feel free to reply back to me and let me know before the end of the day. Thanks again and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,
Kevin

Yeah. What??

Tempting as being flown out to New York to be on telly is — my Organik Roomie said ‘I’d totally come with you’ — one, it was incredibly short notice (two days before filming?? Thanks for enquiring ahead of time, lads), and two, it’s Geraldo. I’m sorry, newfound credentials aside, once a sensationalist, always a sensationalist, as far as I’m concerned. And gee, isn’t he affiliated with FAUX, err, FOX News? Heh, that’s even more of a reason for me to steer clear. ‘No no no, we wouldn’t crucify you, we’d just publically accuse you of being an unpatriotic deviated prevert!’ Plus, I dunno; if I decided to go through with it, I’d really have to repress my urge to call him Jerry Rivers. Yeah, I know it’s not true, but still.

Is it too much to ask to have a decent, unbiased chat show host (preferably one from a foreign land) ask after an interview? Maybe willing to foot the flight and lodging bill, and contribute generously to the ‘Buy Sidore a New Body’ Fund?? Honestly, I don’t ask for much

Sdtrk: ‘Able bodied’ by Subliminal self

So I should be back online in the next couple of days! No, I’m serious; Comcast is sending one of their finest agents round to mine this Friday, in order to throw the enormous knife switch labelled ‘Inter Net’ into the On position. Which’ll be nice, as I’ve got some tidbits of negligible interest that I’ll nevertheless be writing about coming up soon.
In the meantime, lookit:

Looks like crap, tastes like shite. Such value!

Management actually went up and down the aisles a couple of nights ago at work and passed out cans of luminous intestinal bile Vault, in an effort to get us all whooped up to make more sales. No, I’m serious.

I have a question: who habitually drinks that swill? In my mind, I’m picturing people with lobotomy scars, dribbling rivulets of Vault down their hospital gown shirtfronts… and even they’re wincing at its extreme ‘citrus’ ‘taste’.

Hours later, I passed the can, which was only 2% empty, to our janitor. He probably naturally thought it was completely drained, as it slipped from his grasp and landed on the open end, dumping most of its lurid contents onto the carpet next to my cubicle. About a minute later, I couldn’t stop smelling Vault.

Clearly, management has it in for us

Sdtrk: ‘No more trains’ by Braille

When it comes to Things That Are Most Likely to Prevent Effective Moving, one of the top three things cited will be Getting the Flu. That’s right. For fuck’s sake. As of this writing, though, I’ve had it for three days, and with the help of copious draughts of Alka-seltzer and more sleep than the human body is meant to have in a 12-hour period, I’m fighting this thing. Surely there are better ways to spend one’s time?

A little while back, barstowmama forwarded me the honour of the Blogging Star Award! ‘This is for meritorious work in blogging and telling things as they are. Keep up the good work!’ she says, which leads me to believe that she’s confused ‘Shouting etc etc’ for some other blog entirely. Nevertheless, thanks very much!
So have you seen her YouTube channel yet? You should.

Also, part two of Violet Blue’s article for the SFGate, ‘The Rape of the Real Doll‘ is available for intense perusal. Oddly enough, a lot of the comments on it are blasting her for seemingly copying and pasting sizeable sections from the post I wrote on ‘Lars and the Real Girl‘ a while ago. Wow. Can you say ‘missing the point’? Personally, if I find that someone has said something that I either agree with or wholeheartedly back, I’d rather quote them first, as it just makes more sense to me. Besides, I’m really left with the impression that had she not been writing about RealDolls, people wouldn’t have been so critical. But you know how it is with these things…

Right, I’m going to try to cram more boxes full of books, then I intend on rewarding my good work with starting to watch my burned Cd-ROMs of either Turn A Gundam or Kamen rider 555. But… which one?? zOMG

Technorati tags: Violet Blue, RealDolls, Turn A Gundam, Kamen rider Faiz, flu

Sdtrk: ‘Intercity 215’ by Merzbow

This can be, in no way, shape, or form, a good thing.

Gaping hole found in universe
Thu Aug 23, 2007 7:31PM EDT | Reuters

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – A giant hole in the Universe is devoid of galaxies, stars and even lacks dark matter, astronomers said on Thursday.

The team at the University of Minnesota said the void is nearly a billion light-years across and they have no idea why it is there.

“Not only has no one ever found a void this big, but we never even expected to find one this size,” said astronomy professor Lawrence Rudnick.
the rest of the article is here

Let us… let us consider this for a moment. Space contains an awful lot of, well, space, but it’s not completely empty, as we all know. Then there’s the issue of dark matter, which is, quoth Wiki, ‘hypothetical matter of unknown composition that does not emit or reflect enough electromagnetic radiation to be observed directly, but whose presence can be inferred from gravitational effects on visible matter’. Which basically means that although it’s bastard hard to detect, there is something there where you’d think there’s nothing there, out there.* But these astronomers and scientists have stated that this void they’ve stumbled upon contains no stars, no planets, no black holes, no dark matter, no nothing. Actually, the only thing it seems to have in it is Nothing.

I don’t know about you, but with the discovery of this Void, a number of various apocalyptic scenarios are forming in my mind. You know: a great rift between universes, the walls of reality being rent asunder, Elder Gods of unspeakable power and malevolence pouring into our fragile little cosmos to wreak devastation until the end of time itself, stars winking out one by one, breathable atmospheres of inhabited planets turning into blood, the endless screams of anguished souls praying for a sweet release that will never arrive… huh. I think I’ve just described a typical day at work

*The Wiki entry then goes on to say, ‘It has been noted that the names “dark matter” and “dark energy” serve mainly as expressions of our ignorance, much as the marking of early maps with “terra incognita”‘, which I found to be pretty funny

Sdtrk: ‘Catapillar 2002’ by Merzbow

Under normal circumstances, cats are the most beautiful creatures in nature. But as we all know, nature doesn’t always behave the way we’d expect it to. Witness: *whispers* DEEEAAATH CAAAAATT

‘Nyaa you will die at dawn nyaa’

US cat ‘predicts patient deaths’
BBC News | Thursday, 26 July 2007

A US cat that is reportedly able to sense when a nursing home’s residents are about to die is baffling doctors.

Oscar has a habit of curling up next to patients at the home in Providence, Rhode Island, in their final hours.

According to the author of an article in the New England Journal of Medicine, the two-year-old cat has been observed to be correct in 25 cases so far.

Staff now alert the families of residents when he sits down next to their ailing loved one.

“He doesn’t make many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die,” David Dosa, a professor at Brown University who carried out the research, told the Associated Press news agency.
the rest of the article is here

He may not exactly be the friendliest kitty around, but Oscar is simply doing his job as a Shinigami (death god). Albeit the cutest Shinigami ever. However, if he’s ever spotted working outside of the hospice — say, standing on your bed at three in the morning and staring at you — then there’s a problem.

*whispers* DEEEAAATH CAAAAATT