Sdtrk: ‘Il doit faire beau La-bas’ by Noëlle Cordier

Wasting time, err, I mean, doing research on the InfoBahn yet again, I revisited the site for maniacs for the first time in quite a while. No no, it’s not an admission of my insanity — heh — maniacs is a Japanese model-making company whose biggest claim to fame is the ‘Fever Doll’ series of Mannequins. I’d had it bookmarked for a while, then deleted it cos I’m not as passionate about Mannequins as I used to be. But noting the maniacs site again recently, I see that they have a new limited edition item that’s relevant to my interests: Eternal Angel. A Doll masquerading as a Gynoid? How is that even possible??

She has a rather ‘centrefold from OMNI’ look about her

She doesn’t appear to be poseable at all, but no doubt she’d be one hell of a conversation piece. Plus, dig that transparent PVC wrap round her — it took me a couple of minutes to realise that’s a dress! Very nice..
One would suppose she’s the upgraded sister of Android Angel, also made by maniacs *snicker*, which made her debut in back in 2004. Whereas Android Angel is a heart-stopping ¥1,200,000 ($10,136 USD), the site doesn’t even list a price for Eternal Angel. And you know what they say about prices — if you have to ask, you’d best get a firm grip on something sturdy, and be prepared to bend over.

Both lasses remind me of P.A.S.S.-chan, from the never-seen-Stateside XBOX game, ‘N.U.D.E@‘, what with all the transparent bits and the blue highlights and etc. Although I’m sure the maniacs sculptors didn’t have her in mind in the slightest. They’re completely different, you see! Good Job maniacs, and Well Done

Sdtrk: ‘Ich war ein Kind’ by France Gall

Sent off my questionnaire answers on Sunday to Anu, the writer of the soon-to-be-published latest article about RealDolls and their owners, for Finland’s Image magazine. It took me about a week to properly answer fourteen questions, cos I’m especially thorough with a subject such as this, so there’s less chance of me being misunderstood. He wrote back, ‘I was impressed by the effort you’d put into them for our mag across the globe. Unfortunately I was limited by space in using them, but I did leave some other stuff out of the final text to be able to fit more of your thoughts into it.’ Translation: egad, you’re blabby. Better more than less, as far as that goes..

Speaking of interviews, here’s a rather ace interview of sorts with Morrissey, conducted by Douglas Coupland. His solo material still has yet to affect me as much as his work with Johnny, Andy and Mike, to whom I regard their releases as gospel. But Morrissey — quite literally, the Man, the Myth, the Legend — will always be a person I greatly admire.

… He doesn’t like celebrity culture or pop culture – disdains it really – and yet he obsesses on obscure pop stars from other eras such as Sacha Distel (French; 1960s) and seems to perceive no similarity between worshipping what’s happening now versus what was once worshipped in other times.

Well shit, that sounds awfully familiar, wouldn’t you say?

Sdtrk: ‘Alison’ by Slowdive

Achtung! New video posted to Shi-chan’s Dailymotion page:

Actroid Repliee Q1-type 002

You’d think the fact that I’ve displayed it here kinda makes that link redundant, but I really wanted to start bumping the previous post from the topmost spot. I’d write up another instalment of ‘This was the Future’, but that’d take at least 90 min of research, and it’s already past my bedtime. Maybe later, if you’re good

Sdtrk: ‘Everybody in the Discotheque (I hate) (We Love Motor Mark mix)’ by Stereo total

Funny you should axe that question! atsushi-san and his sexpot girlfriend MaRi-chan have kindly sent us these new pics for evaluation recently. These would be the new face for the Yu-ki model of A.I NEO Doll by 4woods.

4woods normally has a quite consistent batting average with their lasses, but wow, the new face is very, very impressive — the eye makeup is ace, and I am really digging her little pout. (And everything else, of course..)

Sure, Yu-ki may be more ganguro-esque than Shi-chan and I prefer our Synthetiks, but, as she can still be ordered with the ‘Natural’ skintone as well as ‘Asian color’, that’s quite alright. It’s not as if we’d say no to a ganguro Doll anyway, but I’d have to keep a close watch on my credit card..
Additional pics of the new face aren’t actually up yet on 4woods’ site, so I guess this post would be defined as a ‘scoop’, but an official announcement should be made soon, however. In the meantime, you could do what we’re doing, and stare longingly at the ones above! Ahh, so nice..

Also, I may have a line on some episodes of ‘My living Doll‘ on DVD. Not exactly a legitimate release, of course, but at this point, beggars can’t be choosers, as I’ve been frothing at the bit for years to see these. More details relatively sooooon

Sdtrk: ‘Vodiak’ by Stereolab

So I was out and about today, and I had no idea that Stereolab had a new release out! That shit slipped beneath my radar, completely and utterly.

I love that title

Apparently, it’s not really a new full-length, it’s a compilation of recent singles. So far, I’ve only listened to half of it, and it almost pains me to say it, but… Stereolab just doesn’t stimulate me as much as they used to. In fact, their previous release, Margerine eclipse, remains rather unmemorable to me as well, as it just didn’t have a lot of stand-out tracks. I completely dug the EP that came right before it, Instant 0 in the universe, but ever since the Dots and loops era, where they’d begin a song, get halfway through it, and then completely switch melodies, they’ve been inching down a preference slope for me. Not to say that that’s what I don’t like — New order used to do that all the time, which was one of the qualities that drew me to them — but I’d say it’s something else…

Personally, I think the reason for the dew being off the lily these days is due to their lack of Farfisa-centred Motorik-based songs. Compare Mars audiac quintet to Cobra and phases group… and it’s almost like two different bands. Yes, I realise that if you’re running a band for fifteen (!!) years, your sound is obviously going to change, but for a person like me who swears by consistency, it’s a wee bit unsettling. For instance, the only albums by The Jesus and Mary chain that I own are Psycho candy, Barbed wire kisses, and Honey’s dead, and that’s cos they all pretty much sound alike. Hell, I was disconcerted when Broadcast started relying less on samples on everything post-Work and non work.
This is why whenever a band I like breaks up or otherwise quits, there’s the initial heartbreak, but eventually I’m okay with their decision, cos oftentimes it crystallises them forever at their peak (i.e, Joy division, the Smiths), as opposed to flogging their particular horse into mucilage (i.e post-Technique New order, post-NATO Laibach).

They’re in town this Sunday, and I have to say that I’m altogether not too gung-ho on seeing them. Plus it’s on a Sunday eve. I hate it when bands do that. I have to work the next morning, you know. Goddamned rock stars.
I’ll still buy Stereolab’s releases, but it’s just not the same anymore, as I’ll keep hoping for them to do a 180, and make another Transient random noise-bursts. Even if it’s only temporary, I’ll be a happy lad..

Looks like another passel of interviews about being an iDollator is nigh! Are nigh! Whatever. That troublemakin’ lass Elena Dorfman wrote me from out of the blue today, saying that someone from Details magazine would have words with me concerning the Missus, which was really a surprise, as I haven’t seen an issue of Details on the racks since the mid-Nineties. Also, there’s some bloke from a Finnish youth and culture magazine called Image hoping for an article as well. The Finnish mag I have no problem with, but I’ll have to be cautious with the Details fellow, as that’s, y’know, published in the States. Obviously, I don’t want a repeat of the Pandagon colostomy bag explosion, or worse. I’ll keep you posted…
Gods, can’t these people wait until Sidore-chan’s site is back up (still pending)?

As an aside, I simply must share with you a line from Elena’s Email that struck me: ‘It’s a marvelous day here in the Bay Area; lots of sunshine and big, fluffy clouds. Makes a girl feel like jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge. Know what I mean?’
Ha! Feckin’ brilliant

Sdtrk: ‘Sila’ by Laibach

During a recent frolic through the Interweb-o-net, I’d seen an article entitled ‘The Top Ten Sexiest Female Robots‘, and although I agreed with most of the selections, I thought: y’know, I should compile my own list. Frankly, I’m surprised the idea has taken me this long to occur to me.
I should note that I’ve not included any Gynoids from anime features, nor have I mentioned any real-life Synthetiks, otherwise the list would be twice as long..

10. Chalmers (Andrea Marcovicci, ‘Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone’)

The navigator/mechanic Gynoid with the slicked-back hair and the overly-huge sweater, from the three-dimensional Eighties film extravaganza, ‘Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone’. Rather attractive in a subdued way, unfortunately she ends up getting killed off early in the film, thereby bringing the feature to a complete halt for me. Worse yet, Peter Strauss (the aforementioned ‘Spacehunter’) activates her self-destruct mechanism, and she, err, melts. She’s one of those dairy-based Synthetiks, I suppose

09. TIE: Anna and Selina (Amy Yip and Chikako Aoyama, ‘Robotrix’)

A Hong Kong chop-socky / action adventure / soft-core porno that, much like ‘I love Maria’ (more about that later), is a big ol’ ripoff of Robocop. Our protagonist Selina is a police officer who gets killed in the line of duty and is rebuilt as a Gynoid, with better Law Enforcement and Sex Appeal Action. As it happens, one of the scientists who brings her back from the dead would be Anna, who is a Gynoid herself. It’s a very silly film, in grand Nineties Hong Kong style, but when you’re working with a story like that, you really can’t take yourself too seriously. Case in point: the film features an evil scientist named Ryuichi Sakamoto. Yes, you read right.
Anna has a slight edge (cos she’s played by the busty Amy Yip), but I’d say overall they both tie for ninth place

08. Valerie 23 (Sofia Shinas, ‘The New Outer Limits: Valerie 23’)

The main character from the 1995-era Outer Limits episode of the same name. Built for the purposes of assisting people, she was assigned to live with one of the blokes on the design team, who’s confined to a wheelchair. He thinks of her as merely a machine at first, eventually develops feelings for her, sleeps with her, and then wishes he hadn’t, as she’s ‘just a machine’. Unfortunately, she’s learning what emotions are, and becomes jealous when Scientist Guy starts seeing an Organik lass. Valerie tries to kill her, and is electrocuted in the end. You have to ask yourself — would she have gone into Terminatrix Mode if he wasn’t merely thinking of her as ‘just a machine’? The resounding answer is No. I think you kinda brought that upon yourself, pal.
Despite her slightly murderous tendencies, and her insistence on wearing a white bodysuit 90% of the time — it’s less flattering than it sounds, trust me — she’s impressive. A sequel episode entitled ‘Mary 25’ was aired shortly after, wherein the Valerie 23 model was upgraded with all the kinks worked out, and she featured a longer brown hairstyle as well. But the whole ‘wanting to kill people’ was kinda endearing! Plus, I’ve always loved her name

07. Electric Barbarella (the ‘Electric Barbarella’ video by Duran Duran)

I’m actually just having a guess at her name here, as it’s never mentioned. Well, yeah, it’s repeated several times as part of the chorus, but how do we know that ‘Electric Barbarella’ isn’t a term that Duran Squared uses, much in the same was we use Synthetik, or Gynoid? Is it like one of those brand names that, through popular usage, becomes synonymous for a product, like Kleenex or Hoover? I do not know! But I do know that said artificial lass is quite appealing, although if you’ve seen the video, you’ll know that her operating system has a few bugs that need to be ironed out (drops drink glasses, dusts Nick Rhodes’ hair). She screws up so much that you’d think she runs Window$, but she’s still lovable nontheless

06. Mile Heidi (the ‘Plug it in’ video by Basement jaxx)

Not too keen on Basement jaxx, but it’s a video starring a passel of Gynoids so I’ll put up with it.. And the most gorgeous Synthetik here by far has to be Mile Heidi, the Airline stewardess. Love the hair, love the uniform, love the way she moves. Full points all round!

05. nameless ‘Lovebot’ (from ‘Serenity’)

Obviously, not a lot is known about Mr Universe’s Gynoid bride (the actress who played her isn’t even listed in the credits), but I’ve always liked her poise and her expressions — very Doll-like, which goes without saying. She seems like a happy lass

04. AF-709 Rhoda (Julie Newmar, ‘My living Doll’)

I first learned about this show a couple of years ago and freaked right the hell out. A tv show from the Sixties about a Gynoid played by Julie feckin’ Newmar?? zOMG etc. Check out this write-up:

[Rhoda] stood five-feet, ten-inches tall, was covered with a low-modulus polyethylene plastic that gave her that human look, and maintained a constant body temperature of 98.6 degrees. Concealed gadgetry included four small emergency control buttons on her back disguised as birth marks, and a power-off switch discretely located in her right elbow.

Brilliant. I’m in love. 🙂 When you think about it, that’s actually a rather involved Synthetik assemblage, especially when you consider that the show is from 1964. Did.. did I somehow go back in time and have a hand in the writing??
Unfortunately, it seems that most of the 26 episodes were destroyed by the producers, but I’m still remaining hopeful that they’ll eventually surface on DVD. Hey, if they can find and remaster episodes of ‘Doctor Who’ that have been missing for three decades or more, they should be able to do it with ‘My living Doll’, damnit

03. Rachel (Sean Young, ‘Blade runner’)

As a Technosexual, Replicants have always been an issue with me. They’re manufactured, but they’re not really machines; they’re more like test-tube babies. By my definition, Synthetiks should be mechanical, and not contain squishy stuff within them. (I realise that’s a highly-specialised technical term, but bear with me.) You know that Replicants aren’t machines through seeing their eyes, for instance, at Chew’s Eye Shop; also, they tend to bleed when injured. So when I think of Replicants, I usually associate that with ‘product of genetic engineering’. Not entirely a Bad Thing, but not my ideal type of Synthetik.
Having said all that, Rachel? Feckin’ hotness, no question. Plus, she can play the piano!

02. Call (Winona Ryder, ‘Alien: Resurrection’)

Again, the ‘squishy stuff’ issue raises its squishy head. All Synthetiks in the ‘Alien’ series seem to have that white fluid in ’em. What the hell is that, anyway? On second thought, that’s probably best left unanswered.
‘Alien: Resurrection’ was a dismal exercise, with only two vaguely redeeming things to its credit: set design by Jeunet & Caro, and sweet Winona as a Gynoid — my dream come true, as I’ve always admired her special brand of squishy stuff. Even despite the crap hairchop she was sporting in the film. Hoorej!

01. Cherry 2000 (Pamela Gidley, ‘Cherry 2000’)

Quite possibly the one Synthetik that solidified and confirmed my love for Gynoids, ‘Cherry 2000’ is actually kind of a dumb film, with an ending so horrible it had me wincing. This would be your typical Boy (Sam, played by David Andrews) Loves Gynoid, Boy Breaks Gynoid, Boy Has To Travel Thru The Post-Apocalyptic Badlands To Get Replacement Chassis for Gynoid, Boy Meets Girl Bounty Hunter (Melanie Griffith, in her best role ever), Boy Vacillates between Wanting Girl Bounty Hunter and Repairing his Gynoid, Boy and Girl Bounty hunter Get Into Arseloads of Trouble Finding Replacement Chassis type of film. But what little redeeming quality it has can be attributed to Cherry’s relentless adorability. Not only is she dead sexy, but she just has a very likeable personality, which makes Sam that much more of a gobshite for doing what he did at the end of the film. Hrm. Chalk it up to Hollywood, I guess. But for me, Cherry 2000 is the standard by which I rate all other movie Gynoids..

At this point, some of you may be wondering why I’ve omitted a number of famous Gynoids:
+ the Stepford wives — ashamed as I am to admit it, I’ve yet to actually see the film. I know, I know, leave me alone
+ Vanessa Kensington (Liz Hurley, ‘Austin Powers’) — Yes, she was rather luscious, but y’know what? She was built to explode. Not an entirely positive selling point, if you ask me. I suppose you could simply deactivate her and remove the explosive device, but you’d really want to know what you’re doing before poking round in her mechanised innards
+ the Fembots (‘Austin Powers’) — Call me old-fashioned, but weapons in the jubbleys is a bit of a turn-off. Make love, not war!
+ Terminator-X (Kristanna Loken, ‘Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines’) — Meh; she does nothing for me. Besides, wasn’t Terminator-X a member of Public Enemy?
+ Gynoid Shirley Manson (the ‘The world is not enough’ video by Garbage) — quite delicious; but again, explodey
+ Gynoid Björk (her ‘All is full of love’ video) — I can appreciate the aesthetics of Synthetiks that have hard skin — you should see my collection of Sorayama art books — but being in bed with that type of Gynoid would be rather chilly, and result in bruises. Not only that, in day-to-day living, you’d have to make sure she broke out the Windex every so often, to wipe off all the smudges and handprints. Otherwise, that’s just tacky
+ Pioneer II / Maria (Sally Yeh, ‘Roboforce’ a.k.a ‘I love Maria’) — She has a cute face; unfortunately, the rest of her looks like a ripoff homage to Sorayama’s metal beauties. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, but her construction places her in the same category of the Gynoid version of Björk — look, but don’t touch
+ the Buffy-bot (Sarah Michelle Gellar, ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’) — I’ve only ever seen one episode of that show, and it wasn’t the one featuring her. However, if anyone wants to send me an evaluation copy, I wouldn’t be averse to watching it..

Like I’d said, why the hell didn’t I write this list up a long time ago?

Sdtrk: ‘Jumpin’ Jap crash’ by m1dy

Right, now cup your hands tightly. I SAID CUP THEM!!
*pours links into your cupped hands*

+ People these days with better cameras than mine are all about that crazy tilt-shift photography. That’s where you take a picture of a landscape from some distance away, but you fiddle with the settings, so that parts are focussed, and other parts aren’t, thereby resulting in a photo that looks like a highly detailed micro-miniature. Select from two links — here, or here. It’s quite fab, I’m sure you’ll agree

+ Longtime readers of this blog (both of you) may recall the wee article I wrote last year about my seething hatred for Garfield. Well, through the miracle of Modern Science, *coughPhotoshopcough* the strip featuring America’s favourite overweight marketing juggernaut and his delusional, physically repulsive owner has actually been transformed into something funny! As a poster on the forum I spotted this on stated: ‘It’s a given that Garfield has a base quality level of zero. Therefore, any change made (random or otherwise), cannot do anything BUT improve the strip.‘ Entirely true!

+ I’ve never read any of Philip K. Dick’s novels, which would explain why this doesn’t get its own posting here on ‘Shouting to hear the echoes: All Gynoids, All The Time’, but apparently, the Philip K. Dick Android has gone missing. If it was Actroid-chan or the Warhol Android, all eyes would be on me, but I’m not a suspect this time. Perhaps he’s out hunting Replicants? Ahhh, Irony

+ Last episode of the first, err, season of ‘The Ricky Gervais Show‘ podcasts will be aired on 20 Feb. Hope you’ve heard the previous 11 episodes, otherwise you’ve missed most of the Humour Train! WOO WOO There it goes without you! You better start running, squire!

+ ‘Mobile suit Gundam: Climax UC‘ would be Bandai’s latest offering in the long line of PS2 Gundam-based videogames. I’m particularly frothy about it, as it’s ALL UNIVERSAL CENTURY-BASED BATTLES, BABY. Recreate fights from familiar chestnuts such as Original Gundam and Char’s counterattack, as well as Gundam ZZ and The 08th MS Team; plus, there’s a create-your-own-character-and-determine-where-they-will-pledge-their-allegiance mode that looks quite engaging. Bandai, if you do nothing else for me ever, you will export this game to the States. When that glorious day arrives, you will be witness to Climax DC

+ I’ve swapped out Penda/Monti’s links in the sidebar to reflect her new URL and site: MontiLee Stormer.com. Don’t worry, you can access the Diner through it, but this is her new ‘professional’ corner of teh Intarwub

+ I have no idea what to make of this. None whatsoever. Do you?

+ Remember my post on North Korea’s Ryugyong Hotel, a.k.a, The Soul Accumulator of Malkunofath? Well, if you think that’s bad as it is, keep in mind it’s rather representative of the general Nork mindset – monomaniacally focussed and shockingly obsolete. Here, then, are the tour diaries of one bloke and a couple of fellow tourists as they experience all that North Korea has to offer. Meaning, all that the government has selected to be experienced, that is

+ And speaking of outmoded thinking, whilst validating a passel of bookmarks this eve, I find that the crazy feminazi shits o’er at Pandagon.com no longer have that lengthy anti-iDollator post of streaming invective up on their site. You remember; the one that was written shortly after Meghan’s article appeared in Salon.com, claiming that since not only do I have a RealDoll, but I say that I have a relationship with ‘it’, that obviously I’m a filthy misogynistic tool of the patriarchy that eats kittens for breakfast? I have to say, Shi-chan and I are almost offended. We brought you over five hundred responses to your mentally crippled post, and obscurity is the way you pay us back??
Huh. It just goes to show that you really can’t please some people
EDIT (05 June 2008): The Pandagon, err, ‘people’, have deleted the above-linked post for reasons unknown. Thankfully it’s archived on the Internet Wayback Machine, so you can view the baseless vitriol here

thanx to Penda and Zip Gun for some of the links