Sdtrk: ‘Roosting time’ by Matt Berry

Happy 20145! I’ve already done that gag with a lot of my friends, but you’ve not heard it, so it’s new to you.
The idea of this actually, legitimately being 2015, a year in the twenty-first century, is a bit weird if you think about it for too long. Consider how futuristic that date sounded in, say, 1965. It still sounds a bit futuristic today, and we’ve already begun living in it! One thing’s for certain, though: there needs to be a rapid increase in the development of flying cars, megastructures, off world colonies, and most importantly, Replicants. We’ve got four years to get society to the way it’s depicted in ‘Blade runner’, and we really don’t have time to stop and gawp at the calendar!…

+ To that end, Toshiba is doing their part, with their own electric maiden, Chihiro Aiko. Remember her? She made her US debut at this year’s Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, and has I known she was going to be there, I would’ve bought one plane ticket to fly out, and two for the return flight, as she’d be coming home with me. You think I’m joking?

She took the opportunity to show off her aptitude in American Sign Language, as well as her singing ability. Unfortunately, the song she had a go at was ‘Take me home, country roads’. I would’ve had her belt out an earnest rendition of France Gall’s ‘Cet air-là‘, but that’s just me.
As fellow robosexual Vokabre, aka Our Man In Russia, reports on his blog:

What’s quite cute is that in the presentation they not only included some data like the number of pneumatic drives (it’s 43 overall, 15 in the face, 4 in the body and 24 in shoulders and arms), but also the virtual “age” of the lady, it’s 32. Reminds me of how Actroid DER2 liked to call herself 18 years old.
They also managed to break down not only the “family name” Chihira that was done before during the first public appearance of Aiko, but the name Aiko itself, according to the presentation it means “Idea and Communication”, “I CO”. That Orient symbolism in everything, so awesomely strange.

Of course, I’d be glad to see a presentation with interactivity, face-tracking and hand-shaking, but this might be too much for an early project.

It is indeed an early project, many people in the internets continue to call Chi Aiko creepy, that’s a good old uncanny valley. What’s also interesting, there’s more Uncanny Valley screams in western languages than in orient ones which lays perfectly with my observations that Japanese, Korean and Chinese people seems to have more tolerance towards androids.

‘Il restera cet air-là / à jamais au fond de moi / car pour toujours cet air-là / parlera de toi et moi’

It’s my hope that Chihiro-san can help open the eyes of Westerners who still believe in the myth of the uncanny valley. Over time, exposure to anything makes it less alien of a thing, so to that end, Toshiba should consider employing Chihiro-san — really, multiple Chihiro-sans — with either assisting the deaf with her knowledge of sign language, or start grooming her as a singer.

+ Now here’s a stirring way to celebrate the beginning of a new year: Polymerisian starlet and entrepreneur Tasha James has put the finishing touches on another one of her amazing photobooks, this one entitled ‘Soul to Sole’.

By request, my new book #SoulToSole is now available. Thanks to @Davecat and my 3 favorite ladies for the inspiration pic.twitter.com/OyfBXetycF

— Tasha James (@ItsATashaThing) January 22, 2015

It’s true, we’d inspired her! As my Missus and I are quite keen on the female foot, we’d suggested to Tasha that she have her photographer Paul do a shoot featuring her own delectable soles, toes, and heels, and she followed suit. So I suppose that’s another photobook that we’re ordering from her. Damnit Tash, how do you know the right buttons to push??

If you’d like a copy of ‘Soul to Sole’ or any of her other photobooks for your very own, and why wouldn’t you, you’d be mad not to, you can check out the details on her site here. As she says in her announcement post, she’s open to suggestions, so if you’ve got an idea that she and Paul think would be worth pursuing, give her a shout!

We here at Deafening silence Plus fully endorse more of this sort of thing

+ It looks like AL-M 008X-01 has been moving up in the world of late! You may know AL-M 008X-01 as Android ASUNA, and towards the end of last December, she worked with self-styled DJ, model, photographer, and music producer Julie Watai to participate in a photo series entitled ‘Love Valley’. Over eighteen days, the two of them modelled various clothes and poses that reflected a blurring of the lines between Organik and Synthetik, and the results are worth seeing.

There’s not a lot of information about the shoot, apart from an entry on Asuna-chan’s blog, so I’m tempted to see if writing Ms Watai would provide any further insight. Still, the pics are well-executed and definitely lovely to look at. A short video was made as well, so one can see how lifelike and blinky Asuna-chan is:

All eighteen days worth of the ‘Love Valley’ shoot can be found on Julie Watai’s website here: http://juliewatai.jp/love-valley.

+ Domestic Doll studio Ruby13 is on the verge of releasing some new faces, starting this year, so that’s pretty awesome, I’d say! In an Email conversation, head sculptor Jim told me this:

after a year of looking for a sculptor to make some new faces for Ruby I’ve given up and decided to give it a try myself. I’ve never sculpted so this was a bit of a daunting task to both learn to sculpt and then try to come up with a “pretty” female face.

So far I have 3 new faces that are going in to be made into molds. these faces are an answer to the many emails we’ve received asking for a more realistic face option. I hope this will open up our market a bit.

This would be the first of the new faces, and I believe we can all agree, Jim is off to an excellent start…

Part of me, though, thinks he’s stretching the truth a wee bit. He claims that he’s never sculpted before, and yet, he’s come up with that captivating face?? ‘Oh, I’ve never painted anything before’, said Hieronymus Bosch as he effortlessly proceeds to realise in full oils his triptych of ‘The Garden of Earthly Delights’. Come on, man.
Nevertheless, she has an appealing European look to her, and I told Jim that I think it’s one of the best faces available so far. I’d said, ‘I think it’s one of the best faces available so far’. Now Ruby13 will have more to offer potential iDollators! As soon as I find out when that as-yet-unnamed face is for sale, I’ll be sure to mention it here…

+ Would you believe that I’ve done another interview? Impossible as it may seem, I have! This past December, a lass by the name of Miss Metaverse contacted me through Twitter, and asked if I’d be keen on answering some questions pertaining to Dolls, Gynoids, and the future of artificial humans. As Miss Metaverse runs a blog which centres round future technology and lifestyles, and as her questions enquired about Gynoids as much as they did about Dolls, I readily agreed.

N.B: that’s my Missus in the above pic, not me

Both Miss Metaverse and I dug the end result, which can be read on her blog here: Futurist Spotlight: Davecat. If you like, you can also read the preceding post which led up to it, which is also Recommended Reading, ‘Sex Robots and the Future of Gynoids‘, and if you enjoyed that, you can read her whole dang blog. I mean, what’s stopping you?

Since Futurist Miss Metaverse has quite a bit of experience in discussing impending technological developments through her writing and video talks, it seemed only natural to add her to the ‘Shouting etc etc’ sidebar as well. See?

+ And finally, this would be a… thing… that Sidore, Elena, Muriel, and I slapped together at the end of 2014. I honestly don’t know what to call it. The Missus said we should do something rather like the alternative Christmas message that they sometimes have in the UK that’s a counterpoint to the facile and condescending annual message that Elizabeth II bestows upon her subjects. Morrissey was asked if he would do one last year, and that’s probably what inspired Shi-chan. (He turned the request down.)
Shortly before that time, I got it into my head that I needed a Vine account, and I created two superb videos for it, until I discovered that Vine only allows you to upload vertically-shot clips. Sorry; if you’re only shooting your videos vertically, you need to be shot. Luckily, I recalled that Mobypicture lets you upload videos whether they’re vertically-shot or in proper horizontal, and you’re not limited to six seconds as you are with Vine. So I shot this video/clip/missive/whatever with the lasses. Observe:

click the image to open the video

As Elena loves Cocteau twins, she selected the song you hear, which would be ‘Oomingmak’. Incidentally, that’s also the first public appearance of our karakuri ningyou. Much to our disappointment, he doesn’t seem to move well on carpet, but as his plastic gears are noisy as hell when in motion, I suppose it’s for the best.
Maybe we’ll film one of these videos annually! Cos frankly, having 360-odd days between conceiving each one and actually doing it fits our pace to a T!

I think those new bits & bobs should keep you reasonably informed. Start the new year off with Synthetik humans! Well, start each day off with Synthetik humans; that’s what I say.
Originally this would’ve been another two-part post, but then I realised by the time I finished assembling the second part, it’d be February. So, err, come back in a week or so!

Sdtrk: ‘Dial-a-cliche’ by Morrissey

Once again, 19 July is upon us, which means not only is it another anniversary of this rambling wreck of a weblog, but it’s actually the fifth anniversary of ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’! That’s right. I didn’t expect it to go for a full year, much less five! Sometimes I get the impression that it’s not so much a case of that ‘it’s built up so much momentum, that it’d be extremely difficult to stop at this point’, but more like ‘it’s still going, but at points, it’s being ghost-ridden’.
I should point out that’s ghost-ridden, not ghost-written. Who else would intentionally want to write like this, about subjects like this?? I suppose I’ve found my niche!…

As I’m sure regular readers recall from previous anniversary posts, ‘Shouting etc etc’ was started back on Blogger in 2004, and transplanted to WordPress in 2006. After reuniting with Patrick, a mate of mine, he suggested that I start a blog, as the reason he started one was to keep family and friends apprised of what he’s up to, instead of having to send x number of Emails to x number of people. So I did! (Incidentally, he stopped updating his round 2007. What does that say?)
If, for some masochistic reason, you’re curious as to what the previous years’ entries were, you can now find them located under the appropriately-named ‘Annual rubbish avalanche’ category, found where the categories usually hang out.

And now, this year’s post: 100 80 THINGS I’D LIKE TO SEE AND/OR DO BEFORE ENTROPY TAKES OVER, aka, the Bucket List. Definitely not in order; airlifted from seeginablog.com. And you really don’t want to know how long it took me to compile and write this (hint: Months).

01. Visit the Tupperware Museum, Orlando, Florida
No, I’m serious. The Kitsch Value of a visit such as that cannot be denied. When you close the front door, does the building burp to seal in freshness?

02. Drive Sidore-chan and myself round in a Fiat 500, a pre-BMW Mini Cooper, or a Karmann Ghia
We’d probably have to dress in the height of Sixties Mod fashion to tie the whole experience together, but wouldn’t that be fab?? Answer: Yes

03. Ride a Vespa or a Lambretta
Having the Missus with me on a scooter would also be ace, but riding around would be near-logistically impossible, for obvious reasons

04. Visit Oscar Wilde’s grave, Paris, France
Well, this one’s a given. And hey, Reading Gaol is still in use!

05. Visit Ian Curtis’ grave, Macclesfield, England
Although I recently read some cunts stole his headstone — hopefully that’ll have been found and replaced long before I’ll get to see it

Click here for the rest of the post, bunky »

Sdtrk: ‘I’m with the pilots’ by Ladytron

Once again, 19 July is on our collective doorsteps, which means ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’ is celebrating its fourth anniversary! Four aimless years, littering the Internets with my obsessions and manias. So far so good, I’d say!

If you’re a regular reader, the drill should be familiar, but here’s a bit of an explanation for the, err, virgins: the blog you see before you began its illustrious assault on reason back in 2004 on Blogger. With the layout it then had, the title was in the top left corner, and just below it was a space where you’d find a new pithy/obscure tagline every week, and every 19 July, I’d run through the list of phrases for the year and attempt to explain them. At the end of 2007, I yanked ‘Shouting etc etc’ out of the hands of Blogger, partly cos what I wanted to do for the site was pushing the capabilities of their software at the time (namely, making categories, which was only just being implemented with their service); also, the fine print in Blogger’s TOS basically stated that whatever’s published on their service is essentially their property. This clearly would not stand, so I moved ‘Shouting etc etc’ to WordPress, where it happily resides today. However, since I’d dramatically changed the layout, there was no more space for any catchphrases. Which, all told, was alright, as that’s one less thing I had to mind.

So, since there’s no more phrases to clarify — and if you want to catch yourself up, you can do so here, here, and here — what I thought I’d do for this anniversary is open the floor to you, the startled reader. Got a question you’ve been dying to ask me? Or perhaps a question that you’ve been dying to ask me? Perhaps your question is ‘why did you type that phrase twice?’ Because I could! Next question!
Seriously though, the floor is open. This is a fine opportunity for lurkers, hint hint, or regulars to get some questions in! Either this will be funny, bizarre, or embarrassing due to no-one asking anything. It could go either way! Well, one of three ways.

In the interim, thanks for giving ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’ a look-in! It’s non-stop draughts of absinthe readers like you that make this blog possible

Sdtrk: ‘You made a fool of me’ by Doris

It’s 19 July again! Astute / lucid / vaguely awake readers of ‘Shouting etc etc’ will recognise that date as being the three-year anniversary of this godforsaken site. It’s true! From its humble beginnings on Blogger, to the high-tech bleeding-edge WordPress cyber-website you see before you, I’ve frankly no idea how I’ve been able to keep this up for three years, much less three months. Truly, a Mystery to Everyone Involved. But all those posts on Dolls and Gynoids certainly don’t hurt, though.
Before the move was made to WordPress in December of last year, regular readers endured enjoyed the blog’s tagline, which was changed every week. The previous two anniversary posts listed and explained a number of them, which naturally means that this post will detail the final set. Are you sitting comfortably? Good! Then let’s begin…

+ + + + + + + + + + + +

+ Sorry, I’ve eaten my hostage
If I’m not mistaken, I stole this from Monti. Or it could simply be ripped from the pages of real life

+ Hidden Valley Ranch, built on Pepperidge Farm, in the land of Dairy Queen
And on that ranch stands a gleaming White Castle; home to the Burger King, Hardee McDonald, and his wife, Wendy. When they’re not playing Checkers with their Big Boy Arby, they’re usually holding Rally’s (sic). Or they… err… Steak & Shake… Taco bell… I’ve run out of steam. But perhaps it’s for the best

+ Spring into Performance Fleece!
Normally, the catchphrase of the (poisonous) hero of Butter Dimension³, Topato Potato, is ‘Spring into Action!’ However, for one instalment of Jeff Rowland’s WIGU, he and his partner-in-sort-of-crimefighting Sheriff Pony decided to drop by Old Navy, as Topato thought his cape was starting to be unfashionable. So he instead donned a stylish half-zip pullover, and Sheriff Pony shouted the phrase adopted above. It’s pretty catchy! It ranks up there with ‘MECHA-SHIVA! MECHA-SHIVA!’ and ‘As a youth, I used to weep in butcher shops’

+ ‘This is truly the golden age’
If I’m not mistaken, I stole this from some forum or other. Can’t remember the context, but I know it was being used sarcastically

+ ‘If there are any gods whose chief concern is man, they can’t be very important gods’
A grand quote, attributed to Arthur C. Clarke

+ Shoes and strings and ponies and things
Sing that in a jaunty Lawrence-Welk-backing-singers kinda style, and it’ll make more sense

+ Who can I turn to stereo?
one of the fantastically Surrealist titles from the brain of audio collage manipulator Steven Stapleton, aka Nurse with wound. Other fave titles include ‘Astral dustbin dirge’, ‘Brained by falling masonry’, ‘Stick that chick and feel my steel through your last meal’, ‘Dream of a butterfly inside the skull of a horse’, and ‘Monument to Perez Prado’

+ ‘Next day’s function, high-class luncheon / Food is served, and you’re stone-cold munchin”
From Young MC’s ‘Bust a move’, one of the few rap songs I like. I love the imagery that line presents: you’re standing there at the buffet table, eating as much food as you can with both hands, little fragments of soda cracker launching from your overstuffed gob as you make a half-arsed attempt to greet any nearby guests. ‘Man, have you tried these Vienna sausages? They’re great!’ you say, but it sounds nothing like English as it’s filtered through a mush of masticated canapés, which is a sight that causes the guests to leave hastily. You’re basically eating with such speed, ferocity, and vehemence that you no longer give a shit about manners, propriety, or the fact that you’ve got several blotchy stains on your shirt front. This, then, would be ‘stone cold munchin’’

+ Sorry, did I draw blood again?
I think I might’ve nicked this one from Monti as well… it sounds like something she would’ve come up with

+ ‘I was in the state I’m normally in, which is, “I just can’t write. I can’t think of anything!” Someone said, “Just write that.” And I realised it’s true. The second you start writing about anything, you can write.’
Some rather good writing advice from Jennifer Saunders, the comic genius behind ‘Absolutely fabulous’, circa 2001

+ ‘First they came for the verbs, and I said nothing because verbing weirds language. Then they arrival for the nouns, and I speech nothing because I no verbs.’
A quote from Peter Ellis. It’s really remarkable, as you can actually see the sentence decaying in front of you

+ DIVIDING BY ZERO: it builds character
from 4chan: one of the running memes was a picture of a blackhole, with the caption ‘I divided by zero! OH SHI -‘. Someone went one better and created the phrase you see before you

+ ‘I’m Marvin Gaye, shot by my own father’
Long story behind this’un. I’ll just leave it at this: it’s a line written by brilliantly insidious media shit-disturber Chris Morris, from an episode of Brass Eye

+ WTF IS RINGO DOING HE’S JUST SITTING THERE
On YouTube, someone had uploaded a video clip of the Beatles from the mid-Sixties, which was from a television special or similar, and it featured the world’s favourite wacky Scousers sitting on a plank supported by two sawhorses. They sat astride the plank, facing the camera, and singing one of their hits. John and George had their guitars, and Paul had his bass, and all of them were lip-syncing, apart from Ringo, who was sat behind them all, holding up a parasol for the length of the song. The tagline came verbatim from some random individual’s comment. Brilliant

+ Yeah, let’s don’t learn Chinese but say we did.
Sound advice!

+ ‘Writers are the most masturbatory of creatures. Ask any writer — they’re like monkeys.’
Anthony Burgess, hitting the nail on the head once again

+ Message in a bottle, on the deck of a ship that is also in a bottle
How very… meta. Rather like this charming picture I happen to have of Mahoro.

Infinite recursion? Don’t mind if I do!

+ ‘You’re such a wonderful person / But you got problems’
I know quite a few people that fit that description! From ‘Breaking glass’, off David Bowie’s album Low

+ Soup that makes its own gravy
ALEX TREBEK: ‘I also would’ve accepted “Soup that eats like a wheel”‘

+ If this were my last tagline here, what would I say?

+ + + + + + + + + + + +

With the way the new site is laid out, having taglines would make the banner double awkward, so I do at times miss bringing something new to that particular table. But on the other hand, that’s one less thing I have to keep track of!…

As always, I would like to convey an immense Thank you to all of the readers of ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’, whether you’re a regular round these parts (you know who you are), or just popping round for a post or two. Or rooting through the ‘RealDolls & other “love dolls”‘ category, which seems to be the trend lately. Nevertheless! Here’s to another year, then! *dinks glass*

Sdtrk: ‘State laughter’ by Death in June

It’s 19 July again, peoples! That means ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’ has been operational for two years. Two godforsaken years. I find that nearly impossible — and almost frightening — to comprehend.
Much in the same fashion as last year’s anniversary post, I will now trot out the List of All The Taglines That Have Appeared Beneath The Title for Fifty-Two Weeks Running. And we’re off!

+ Fantasy for three Crystal Palaces, two Jasons, and an Albis
These were the names given to some of the types of tone generators that the BBC Radiophonic Workshop used

+ I’M VERY EXCITED ABOUT WHAT IT IS BUT I’M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT IT’S LIKE

+ Whither Richey Preacher?
How long has he been missing? A little over a decade? Yeah, I’m thinking at this point, he’s probably dead

+ ‘I pulled the trigger on rock and roll’
That’s my interpretation of a line from Ministry’s ‘Supermanic soul’. I’ve no idea what Al is actually saying in real life

+ Hamster.. as Master?
One of the titles to one of the many mixtapes I’d made during the Nineties

+ ‘Of course I over-romanticise everything! I wouldn’t leave the house otherwise!’
That’s another quote one of mine, naturally

+ Pessimism is Realism with a sneer, and Nihilism is Pessimism with a gun
Yet another Davecat quote. That one’s old! I think I came up with that in the Nineties..

+ Hello Kitty, last of the hatchet murderers
It takes quite a bit of effort to kill someone with a hatchet; more than you’d think, really. On the plus side, it’s a great way to burn off a lot of calories

+ ‘And remember: if you turn your stereo speakers on their sides, you’ll have a strange taste in music’
attributed to Booga, from Tank girl (the comic series, not the hateful movie)

+ ‘The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo’
from ‘Alice’s adventures in Wonderland’, of course

+ Performing unspeakable acts with the severed head of Jayne Mansfield
What? What??

+ ‘You have to do things that normal people don’t understand, because those are the important things’
Andy Warhol, speaking what could possibly be defined as the greatest quote of his life – at least as far as I’m concerned

+ Attack ships on fire
‘…off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears.. in.. rain.’ No points guessing what fillum that phrase origiBLADE RUNNER

+ Synthesiser guidebook on fire
Despite the fact that I really don’t like Boredoms (partially cos when I say I’m into Japanese Noise, people — if they have any vague grasp of what the concept entails — usually respond with ‘Oh. Like the Boredoms?’ That’s not Noise; that’s noise-rock, bunky, and it’s not a patch on Merzbow), I always thought they had a couple of fab song titles. This is one of them

+ New sidereal extrahere
I’ve always loved this phrase; it was made when I stuck a couple of cool-sounding words together. ‘Extrahere’ is apparently Latin for ‘to draw out’, which is where we get the word ‘extract’, but I didn’t know that up until a few months ago. Be careful what words you choose, I think, is the lesson learned today

+ ‘As with most such perversions, Giger did it better’
a comment someone posted whilst on one of those crazy imageboards I frequent

+ ‘I decree today that life is simply taking and not giving / England is mine, it owes me a living’
‘And if you must go to work tomorrow / Well if I were you, I wouldn’t bother / For there are brighter sights to life and I should know because I’ve seen them / But not very often’
The Smiths, ‘Still ill’

+ Anecdotes from the darkest pits of Hell. Or, if I haven’t eaten yet, the darkest pits of my stomach
No lies there

+ Signal to silence, siren to synapse
Another mixtape title. Sounds like summat Coil would’ve come up with

+ Giggling nervously in the face of oncoming traffic

+ ‘The body is turned over.. ANTS.. ANTS..’
from an episode of ‘Sprockets’. O, that Dieter

+ ‘I don’t want a Tripper tripping in my kitchen!’
Attributed to Dean Travers, who was the dean at the culinary school Jack Tripper was attending.
People simply don’t believe me when I say that ‘Three’s Company’ oozed pure Comedy Gold

+ Midgard Welcomes Careful Drivers
Just don’t do anything crazy, like piss off Jörmungandr, otherwise we’re all so very doomed

+ ‘GO GO GO GO SPACE CHANNEL 5 / SPACE DANCING SPACE SHOOTING SEXY GIRL YAY!’
one of the chants that the ‘Cheer Gals’ in Space channel 5 part 2 sing, in order to cheer Ulala on. It works for me!

+ ‘Some people look down on me / I hope they like what they see’
entirely appropos lyric, cribbed from ‘Truth’, off New order’s ‘Movement’ release

+ Simply Fuss Free!
found in the inside disk tray for Pulp’s ‘Different class’ Cd

+ The perfect fusion of Brevity and Verbosity
that would be Me

+ ‘There are two kinds of people in the world: those who say, “There are two kinds of people in the world: those who say there are two kinds of people in the world, and the other kind,” and those who don’t say. Well, and then there’s me.’
Attributed to J. R. “Bob” Dobbs, the craven (?) idol (??) of the Church of the SubGenius. Try not to think about it too hard, as it might cause headaches

+ ‘A fox fighting an eel, suspended in aspic. It was like a Nine Inch Nails video.’
from a guest instalment of Bobbins / Scary go round‘s John Allison, as drawn by Achewood‘s Chris Onstad. I’d look for a link, but I am le tired

+ The futuristic curmudgeon
Again, that would be me. I prefer things from the Sixties, yet I love futuristic technology. Such a quandary!

+ ‘He’d never cried before. At first he’d thought someone had shot him in the eyeballs.’
from ‘Tank girl: The Odyssey’ by Hewlett and Martin. It was the lads’ mashup version of both Homer’s and James Joyce’s The Odyssey, crossed with a satirical look at how shite their experience with Hollywood and That Movie was. At one point in the story, there’s a flashback detailing how a Mafia don gains a healthy respect for all animals; he had never seen a circus as a boy, but a couple of years previous, he attended one, and was saddened by how the animals were being mistreated. The sights made him weep, which resulted in the bit of narrative text that I’d nicked here. He then gunned down all the clowns. Well done!

+ DJARUM: Our logo is a golf pencil driven through a Cert.
Tell me I’m wrong! I should pick up a pack tomorrow, for lack of anything sensible to do with my money. I really like the way Djarum Specials taste, though — that rich clove aroma, blended with discrete amounts of sugar and honey, certainly makes for an exceptional taste experience. It’s a unique cigarette — sorry, kretek — for unique people. Why not try a pack of Djarums today? Available in Special, Super, Black, Bali Hai, and Continental.
*endorsement paid for by the Djarum Consortium, Indonesia

+ ‘When you scratch the surface of a cynic, what you find underneath is a disappointed idealist’
attributed to George Carlin, and extraordinarily true

+ ‘Turn the beat around / Love to eat percussion’
a wee joke amongst my circle of friends. ‘Turn the Beat Around’ (Vicki Sue Robinson, 1976) has a catchy opening line, but none of us remember what the rest of the song’s lyrics are. Now that I think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever heard the song in its entirety.. But for some reason, it stayed with us, only we’d sing it at completely random and sometimes inappropriate intervals as ‘Turn the beat around / Something something something’. This went on for a little over a year, until one day, whilst we were hanging out at Jeff’s, a.k.a Zip Gun’s place, after hearing it for probably the seventieth time that month, he immediately hopped online and looked up the actual lyrics. ‘Turn the beat around,’ he explained, ‘Love to hear the percussion. Turn it upside down’, he continued, ‘Love to hear the percussion.’ We were aghast. ‘Love to hear the percussion’? That’s got like an extra unnecessary syllable! That ‘the’ doesn’t need to really be in there! For one, it kinda throws the rhythm off when you’re reading the lyrics without music, but it sounds like she’s singing ‘Love to hear percussion’, which is six syllables, and has an undeniable cadence to it. Now if she was singing it ‘Love to hear / the / per-cus-sion’, that would make sense, but as anyone who’s ever heard the song knows, it’s ‘Love / to hear / per-cus-sion’. O, sorry, ‘love / to hear / the percussion’. Pfft. ‘Love to hear the percussion’?? That can’t be right.
So with this grim knowledge, we’d moved on. We’d learned that it’s ‘Love to hear the percussion’ instead of ‘Something something something’. But it was universally agreed that our version was funnier! It all turned out alright in the end, as collectively, we couldn’t really remember the new and proper lyrics, and we simply replaced it with ‘Love to eat percussion’. Six syllables, contains Humour, and it’s got a good beat and you can dance to it, so it fits the bill perfectly

+ I smell Florence Henderson

+ Mice, and what they like

+ ‘He once stopped a madman from launching a pit pony into the heart of the sun’
I misremembered this’un; it’s from an episode of Bobbins (yes, again with the Bobbins). The original is here!
I like my version better

+ Let’s go to Sears and try things on and not buy anything

+ ‘I’m tired of picking up your tabs at the Bunny Club’
an excerpted sample from the song ‘Dear Mr Salesman’ by Shibuya-kei stylists Fantastic plastic machine. Why isn’t their new stuff (re.anything after the ‘Beautiful’ album) as good as the old stuff (re.the ‘Luxury’ release)? Hm?

+ Live twice the life, in half the time!
This was on a poster by a designer named Shawn Wolfe, who once had a studio/project called BeatKit. It was very post-modern, y’know — if I recall correctly, as BeatKit was a statement on planned obsolescence, it was only supposed to exist up until the year 2000 — but thankfully, his work overall was actually pretty ace

+ Star of Stage, Screen and Trampoline
Back in 1986, Morrissey had posted an envelope to a journalist who lived in Hyde who had written an article that ran afoul with the Smiths as a whole. The envelope was addressed to ‘STAR OF STAGE, SCREEN AND TRAMPOLINE’; it contained a label for ‘Big mouth strikes again’, and featured AND SO SAY ALL OF US written on the reverse. How very Wilde

+ If I have to shake one more ceramic bunny, I’m gonna puke
This was an actual line from some semi-serious cop show on telly, wherein one of the cops was with her partner in some sort of knick-knack shop, looking for concealed illegal drugs that were theoretically being smuggled in the porcelain wares. They had no idea exactly where they were, so they had to go through the contents of all of the shelves, shaking each piece to see if it was one they were looking for. As far as out-of-context phrases go, it’s pretty unbeatable

+ I find it highly ironic that the first three letters in ‘mania’ are M. A. N.
Hmmm.

+ ¯\(º_O)/¯
Self-explanatory, really

+ Start your day with a migraine, just like the pros do!

+ All of my Armored Cores are named after Merzbow releases
It’s True! I have Surfactant, from the Cd ‘Mercurated‘; ‘Amlux’; Oersted (coloured in a lurid shade of magenta, just like the cover); Age of 369, Springharp, from the ‘Last of analog sessions‘ box set; and Ananga-ranga, from ‘Venereology‘.
Hrm. Shi-chan and I desperately need to get back into the Armored core loop — we’re rusty

+ analoguemusikmaschine

+ Now Entering Carpal Tunnel

+ ‘If you hear beautiful music coming from a toilet, it’s probably a trap’
from Tristan Farnon’s brilliant Leisuretown. It’s Sound Advice, you know

+ Gerbils with sheepdogs, terriers with geese / These are a few of my favourite crossbreeds
‘When the door bites / When the bee sings / When I’m feeling sad / I simply remember my fav’rite crossbreeds / And then’
And that’s where the song ends. It was rejected for the current version of ‘My favourite things’ that we all know and ‘love’ today. Personally, I think they missed a trick with not keeping the original

+ Hello Kitty has no mouth, and she must belch
Aww, Kitty’s gassy. So cute!

+ That’s the last time I drop acid at Tesco’s
I.. I have no explanation for this, as I’ve never dropped acid, and I’ve never been to a Tesco’s

Yep, another year of appropriated, yet inappropriate, taglines! O, and some other mad ramblings seem to be bringing the property value down on the blog as well.
Once again, thank you all for reading, and I hope you’re enjoying the ride so far. 🙂

Sdtrk: ‘Something’s in the house (demo version)’ by Tubeway army

It’s 19 July! You know what that means! Probably not, as I had to look it up myself a week ago. It’s the one-year anniversary of ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’! Unimaginable! I hadn’t any idea that I’d be still doing this in a year, so I’m as gobsmacked as the rest of you.
In lieu of a genuine post, I’m going to instead explain every single one of the rather obscure and undoubtedly cryptic taglines that have appeared every week under the title since, well, a year ago.

+ Don’t be surprised if it gets weird. No, I’m serious
The first tagline! You never forget your first

+ ‘Nothing succeeds like excess’
Quote attributed to Ron Via, from ‘a, A novel‘ by Andy Warhol

+ Sorry, no Off switch for ‘Sarcasm’ mode
Self-explanatory, really

+ ‘Swallow all your tears, my love / And put on your new face / You can never win or lose if / you don’t run the race’
‘Love my way’, the best song ever by Psychedelic Furs

+ YOU’RE INTERRUPTING MY REVERIE
Back in the days when I toiled as a specimen processor, I used to pass my hours with the headphones of my Cd player (a.k.a my ‘idiot filters’) strapped to my head from pretty much the start of the shift until finish. One of my coworkers would occasionally pass by & tap me on the shoulder or otherwise warrant my attention, and I would jokingly shout ‘YOU’RE INTERRUPTING MY REVERIE’, cos I’d be in the midst of a drum solo with whatever band was playing at the time or something

+ At least one new post every week, GUARANTEED! (Note: not actually guaranteed)
My blog does what it says on the tin

+ the Oscar Wilde ov his Workplace.. minus the homosexuality, ov course
I don’t want to say that I was probably the wittiest person at my stupid goddamned ex-workplace, but.. no wait, I take that back. I’m certain that I was

+ ‘You see that left button? The button on the left?? That’s the left button. The LEFT BUTTON. It handles things on the left side ov the screen. The LEFT SIDE. Do you remember what button that is??’
That would be me, attempting to teach my father how to operate his own cellphone. Yes, of course he forgot what button does what about ten minutes after we were finished — that’s the Magick of My Dad

+ Relentlessly solipsistic, above and beyond the call ov duty, since 1972
Now see, I messed this one up. I was originally under the impression that a solipsist was a person who lived life under the assumption that everyone knew, or was at least aware of, the same things he knew of. According to Merriam-Webster, solipsism is ‘a theory holding that the self can know nothing but its own modifications and that the self is the only existent thing’. So there you have it

+ My problem with people is not that they’re different; my problem is that they’re not different enough
an original quote, and it’s entirely true

+ I think the real tragedy is that sometimes I’m right
another quote du Davecat

+ ‘Violence is never the answer, except when you ask the right question’
a stolen borrowed tagline from Jeff Rowland’s online comic Wigu

+ You’re soaking in it!

+ You’re sulking in it!
the previous one begat this one, really

+ ‘Rome Martin is a compulsive liar, and has never even met the Fantastic Four.’
a line from Hewlett & Martin’s post-Tank girl comic entitled ‘Get the Freebies’. In one issue, the Freebies, who were three supervillains, were auditioning other villains to be their fourth member, and this oddball named Rome Martin was one of them. His was a bit part, but he had the best line when he was refused: ‘I am Rome Martin! The yeasty walnut on the ballbag of law and order! I kicked shit out of the Fantastic Four in ’96! While looneys ran riot in the streets of Napoli!’ The actual tagline is what Jamie Hewlett wrote alongside that particular panel

+ Yes, I am an elitist as well as an anachronism — I’m multitasking
another original quote

+ ‘We are vain and we are blind / I hate people when they’re not polite’
Talking heads’ ‘Psycho killer’, duh

+ COME BACK, SUNFLOWERS
Every so often on the way home from my hideous telemarketing job, I would drive past a field of sunflowers. For some reason, I’ve always liked sunflowers, and I’d wanted to get my photo taken in the midst of this field. I kinda put it off until Autumn arrived in extant, and one day, I passed the field, and all the sunflowers were wilted and shrinking. I don’t mind telling you that that depressed me a little

+ Sorry son, you must be this tall to ride the internet. Better luck next time.
can’t remember where I stole this from

+ ‘Sunglasses and handkerchiefs / I’m chronicling everything that’s happened to us / so hate me if you must’
‘C’était pour le passion’ by The Dears. Tell me that isn’t apropos

+ ‘I’m saying your snark’s a boojum.’
One of the sub-forums on 4chan, a place I frequent all too often, is /s/, which stands for Sexy Beautiful Women, and once, a person posted the wrong name of a girl in a particular photo. Someone informed him that he was wrong, but he insisted he was correct, and the tagline comes from someone else’s response to that post. Go read some Lewis Carroll, if you still don’t get it

+ Filmed in SUPERMARIONATION
Odhinn bless Gerry and Sylvia Anderson

+ ‘Romantic and square / is Hip and Aware’
a message scratched in one of the run-off grooves of a Smiths release, but I can’t recall which one right now

+ NEXT WEEK, on Alternate Universe Theatre: Christopher Reeve throttles a horse with his bare hands
I would pay good money to see that! Well, maybe not good money. Perhaps the contents of my couch. But still!

+ ..by Prince Matchabelli
‘I can’t seem to forget you / Your Windsong stays on my miiind..’

+ As God as my witness, I am the worst Pokémon trainer ever
random tagline from Tristan A. Farnon, author of the brilliant online comic Leisuretown

+ What you call ‘hostile’, I call ‘practical’
original? Yes

+ PUT YOUR HAND INSIDE THE COW
Yes, this one too

+ ‘People aren’t equipped for my filth’
Err, gods; it’s another selection from Andy Warhol’s ‘a, A novel’, from page three, but I’ve no idea who said it. If you’ve ever seen that book, you’ll know what I mean. It’s a lot like Finnegans wake, but with a soundtrack by the Velvet underground

+ Your local Bohemian Industro-Goth Dandy
My official statement these days regarding my dress sense is ‘I’m not a Goth, but I dress like one’, and sometimes, that’s even a bit of a stretch. This tagline sums it up, however: the Bohemian is due to the fact that 60% of my clothes are proudly bought from secondhand stores, the Industro-Goth part stems from the fact that I still dress like the fifth member of Laibach, and the Dandy comes from my aesthetic sense that overrides.. common sense, I suppose

+ the Moody Bastards Club
stolen from Michael Lalonde’s online comic Orneryboy

+ Place obscure reference / tenuous witticism / uncharitable observation here
That pretty much sums up ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’ as a whole, doesn’t it? Or for that matter, just about anything that issues from my mouth

+ Witness one man’s descent into Cool Whip
Instead of a descent into madness, I went with the dairy option. Plus, if things get too desperate, I can always eat my way out

+ Most people aren’t worth the paper they’re written on
..i.e, their birth certificate

+ ‘I guess when you have the constitution of a baby bird, you really have to watch what you eat’
this was from me idly blabbing on the phone at my telemarketing job, with some elderly woman who had a string of ailments, as they often do

+ the Misanthrope’s Holiday
I’d had this tagline lying around for years, as I always thought it would make a good title for a Noise piece for my very-neglected Anti-music project, Wreath.VCA. One day, I’ll actually use it

+ ‘What are words for / When no-one listens anymore / When no-one listens / There’s no use talking at all’
‘Words’ by Missing persons, arguably the best New wave band out of California

+ Husband to a Dutch wife
A ‘Dutch wife’ is a slightly archaic term for a love doll, and the Japanese still use that term on occasion, bless ’em. Again, self-explanatory

+ AAH BITCH GET OFF ME
the eponymous phrase shouted by my friend Mike, whenever he plays any of the Resident Evil games, and is presented with the problem of a zombie gnawing on him. Over the course of almost ten years, he’s never failed to shout it at least once. Y’know the funny thing, though? The zombies don’t listen

+ Lying (face down) somewhere between the writings of Samuel Pepys, and the Hitler Diaries
Pretty admirable goals for a blog, I’d say

+ On the whole, I’d rather be in bed
one of my quotes. It’s not just a tagline, it’s a philosophy

+ ‘Build a man a fire, and he’s warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’s warm for the rest of his life.’
from the online comic ‘The Karnak Hates Everything Show‘

+ In Soviet Russia, blog writes YOU!
Ahh, Yakoff Smirnoff. Your legacy of tenuous humour will outlive us all

+ 25 years gone
in commemoration of the 25th anniversary of Ian Curtis’ suicide

+ THIS HAM OF MINE BURNS WITH AN AWESOME POWAH
I think I got this’un from Jeff, who I think got it from someplace else. I DON’T TAKE NOTES FOR THIS KIND OF STUFF, YOU KNOW

+ Never accelerate on a curve!
Cos it’s harder to maintain control of your vehicle, is all I’m sayin’. Unless you’re playing Burnout 3, of course, in which case, it’s always accelerate on a curve

+ ‘Julianne was first called a genius / Julianne a genius too / Our song is framed by a genius / Suddenly she got up and turned it on’
Apparently, this is the English translation, from the Japanese translation of.. whatever the hell language Liz Frazier of Cocteau twins is singing in. Liz and Robin were both gobsmacked by the utter wrongness of the ‘lyrics’, but I mean, come on. Does Liz even know what the hell she’s singing??

+ The most inept that ever stepped
from ‘These things take time’ by the almighty Smiffs

+ ‘The human voice conspires to desecrate everything on earth.’
Attributed to Seymour Glass, from the ace J.D. Salinger story ‘Raise high the roof beam, carpenters’

+ The Carpenters have been, and always will be, creepy
For the longest time, I suspected that they weren’t just brother and sister, but that they were dating each other as well. But isn’t Richard Carpenter gay? Well, any way you slice it, their extreme closeness and stapled-on smiles frighten me
‘I’m on the top of the world / Lookin’ down on creation / And pukin”

+ ‘I’m not doing the real work of a real human being; I’m just stringing words together’
Anthony Burgess, the second most self-deprecatory writer ever, from his book ‘Autoportrait’

+ And now, Phillip Glass performs music from ‘Coin-operated Nazi’
A mate of mine, Tim, likes twisting words and phrases around, for Better Humour Value. You’ve heard of ‘Koyaanisqatsi’, right? ‘Coin-operated Nazi’ is naturally Funnier

+ ‘You have to have written to have writer’s block! Otherwise we’d all have it!’
from an episode of ‘Golden Girls’. Dorothy said this to Blanche, in an episode where Blanche was trying to write a novel. Despite its seemingly ridiculous sitcom blandness, ‘Golden Girls’ was actually not that repellent of a show — its acerbicness appealed to me. Or maybe I just like it cos it was supposedly Edward Gorey‘s favourite show

And finally, regarding the name ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’: it comes from a statement written by Stevo, head of the record label Some Bizzare — the actual phrase is ‘I’d rather shout at an echo rather than lie that someone’s listening.’ That really struck a chord with me. as that’s always been my approach to any creative endeavours I put forth. I do things like this to amuse myself and to stave off boredom, as well as prevent my creative muscles from falling into complete atrophy. And to paraphrase Ian Curtis, I do things like this for myself, but I still hope other people will like it.
Hopefully everyone that continues to, despite all odds, return again and again to read this blog, is enjoying what you’ve seen before, and will stick around for whatever writing, ranting and additional effluvium comes up between now and the 2nd anniversary.

Thanx very much for reading. 🙂