Sdtrk: ‘Les mains dans les poches’ by Les Roche Martin

Back in the spotlight! Yesterday, I spent a pleasant 40 minutes on the phone with Josephine Tovey, who was writing up an article about RealDolls for the Sydney Morning Herald, mostly due to the fact that Australia (and the UK) will finally be screening ‘Lars and the Real Girl‘ in the next couple of weeks. She wanted the views and opinions of an iDollator, in regards to the film and being a Doll husband and things of that nature. So she asked me, for reasons I cannot fathom. I know nothing of these ‘Dolls’! My silicone-based wife was shipped strapped securely into a wooden crate, after sixteen weeks of painstaking sculpture and assembly, just like anyone else’s.
It should be on their website as well as in print, but Josephine said it should be hitting the stands on 5 April. Now, I’m aware that that’s the same day the new series of Doctor Who starts up, but don’t let that distract you; you can always TiVo it.

Also, 4woods comes through again! They have a new model — well, a new head, really — due out very soon; a charming NEO-J-type named Ally.

Ally v. Ally IN THE STEEL CAGE MATCH OF THE CENTURY

She looks a bit like Neu, but even more elfin, if that’s even physically possible. You can get her in either ‘Natural’ or ‘Asian’ skintones (as seen above), and much like the Neu-types, you can swap out the pointy ears for regular ones. Rather nice!

So there you have it. New interview, new A.I.Doll. Two things for everyone to look forward to

Sdtrk: ‘He is everywhere nowhere’ by Current93

JUST SO YOU KNOW: Quite a few people — perhaps even you — have been wanting to post a comment, and finding that either the comments have been turned off, or the reply function is simply no longer there. Heh, you’ll love this: lately, ‘Shouting etc etc’ has been getting hit by some bizarre virus that does two things — it not only deactivates the ability for people to post comments or make pings for some posts, but it also throws a shitload of spam links into the bottom of each post. Now this is going to sound like the ravings of a lunatic, but the links are coded so that they’re invisible. No, seriously. If you view these infected posts via a cellphone browser (like I did), you’ll see lines and lines of spam links. It’s the strangest damn thing.
Originally, I thought it was due to the Technorati tags I was using, as the first time this occurred, it was in February’s ‘Any Doll-related news etc’ post, so I got rid of the tags, but the comments would still shut off and those spam links would come back.

What it boils down to is that I undoubtedly need to upgrade WordPress, which I intend on doing soon, otherwise the homicides will begin. In the interim, if you don’t see the reply function for a post, seriously — reply in another post, and I’ll just transfer the bastard to where it’s supposed to be.
We here at Deafening silence Plus thank you for your patience and patronage! No, seriously.

So recently I dreamt that Shi-chan and I were driving round the suburbs — it looked a bit like the Grosse pointe area, but you know how it is with dreams mutating things that actually exist in your mind into totally new things — and some chunky bloke with a paper bag over his head stepped in front of our car at a stop sign, and handed me an index card. He then took his paper bag off, revealing his shaven-head and his broad smile, and stepped away as I drove off. Sidore read the card: there was a paragraph at the top, stating the message was from a college fraternity, and that they apparently liked our work. (??) They went on to explain that if we were to go to the URL provided below, we’d see some guy in Texas that looked exactly like me. ‘Huh,’ I remarked.

The dream then cut to footage of this bloke. The video quality was similar to that weird video black & white that you get with closed-circuit television, but a little sharper, and it even had a running timecode in the upper right corner. Unlike a CCTV camera, though, it wasn’t fixed in one position. It centred on this bloke that could’ve been my identical twin — his facial features were the exact same as mine, but his ponytail was around two feet long, and he was wearing a hoodie, which is something I’d never do. He was seated in the front row of a college classroom, a couple of columns toward the centre. At one point during the course of the footage, he pulled a toothbrush out of his bag, applied some toothpaste to it, and proceeded to brush his teeth right there in the middle of class. No-one seemed to notice, except the girl behind him, who tapped him on the shoulder and said something chastising. Or at least, I assume it was something chastising, as the video didn’t have sound. He stopped to listen to her, then kept on brushing.

Then the dream cut to Shi-chan and I watching the video (on YouTube, naturally). For some reason, the room we were in was dark, and the monitor illuminated our faces. ‘I don’t know what to make of that,’ Sidore commented.
Dopplegängers! Honestly, you just can’t get away from them…

Happy Vernal Equinox, people! I’m hoping for a short Summer, but a long Spring. And an even longer Autumn

Sdtrk: ‘Sadistic’ by Stereolab

We know a little workplace in the American Southwest, where alert reader Sena toils in the biotech department. She, like many other people, recently viewed ‘Guys and Dolls‘, found it eminently fascinating, and told her coworkers about it. However, instead of the typical torches-and-pitchforks reaction, according to her, Sidore and I are celebrities over there. Don’t believe me? Check out their whiteboards:

That blurry bit in the first pic is the department name, by the way. I particularly like the second pic though, as the artist managed to accurately capture our likenesses to a T. Someone’s done their research!

This post goes out to Sena, Jacob, and the diligent (?) employees at Corporate Workplace That I Obviously Can’t Name, Located in a Rather Large Southwestern State. Stop watching so many videos on das InfoBahn! Go read a book instead!

Sdtrk: ‘Here it goes again’ by OK go

I’ve said before, but it bears repeating: Sidore and I clearly need an agent. Cos then, we wouldn’t have wildly inappropriate enquiries such as this:

from: M*******
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail.com
date: Jan 15, 2008 3:07 PM
subject: The Tyra Banks Show

Dear DaveCat,

How are you? My name is M******* and I am a production assistant at the Tyra Banks Show. I recently came across the documentary you participated in about the hyper-realistic dolls. I wanted to speak with you about an upcoming show we are producing for early next week. We would love to hear your story. Please call me at (phone number) or please leave contact info where you can be reached so that we may contact you.

Thanks so much and we hope to hear from you soon,

M*******
—
M*******
Production Associate
The Tyra Banks Show

Yes, Tyra Banks. Even with the esteemed likes of Heraldo and (Not a) Doctor Phil attempting to woo me, occurences like this still continue to stun me. It’s funny-peculiar though, as I remember reading on TDF that there was supposed to be an episode of the Tyra Banks show that dealt with RealDolls, but this was almost half a year before anyone had ever read about ‘Lars and the Real Girl’. Maybe they’re just now getting round to it?
So I wrote back:

from: Dave Kuroneko
to: M*******
date: Jan 16, 2008 11:42 AM
subject: Re: The Tyra Banks Show

Hey M******* –

Thanks for your enquiry! However, I’m not entirely sure if The Tyra Banks Show is the right venue for lengthy, in-depth discussion of the merits of having a Synthetik companion. Plus, apart from lack of compensation, the travel expense, and the short notice, I don’t do too well with crowds, to be perfectly honest…
Thanks again for asking, though!

Cheers,
Davecat

Now, call me crazy, but I don’t honestly see Ms Banks’ staffers having done any deep research into iDollator history and culture. What probably happened is someone sent Tyra a link to ‘Guys and Dolls’; she stared at it in wide-eyed shock, and after recomposing herself, assigned some production associates such as M******* to scour the Series of Tubes, in order to find some of these doll freaks to base a programme around. ‘Make it happen, people,’ Tyra shouts, clapping her hands vigourously.
So M******* sez, she sez:

from: M*******
to: Dave Kuroneko
date: Jan 16, 2008 12:02 PM
subject: Re: The Tyra Banks Show

Davecat,

Thanks so much for getting back to me. We really found the footage of you highlighting your story to be very compelling. We are very interested in hearing where you are coming from and want to portray you in the way you want to be portrayed. The date of the show has actually changed to sometime later in the month. We do not have a concrete date yet, however we will be able to give you more notice since the date of the show has changed. As soon as we find this date out, we will be sure to let you know. We will definitely be able to compensate you, and if you would feel more comfortable having someone come with you to New York, we would be more than happy to make that happen. I would like to talk with you more in depth so you can understand where we are coming from. Is there a number where you can be reached? Also, you can reach me at anytime at (phone number). Thank you so much for your time and we really look forward to hearing from you and working with you.

Best,
M*******

Heh. ‘Compelling’. That’s an adjective I rank up there with ‘interesting’, in that it doesn’t necessarily mean good or bad. You can find a video of talking cats compelling. You can also find footage of a ten-car pile up in action compelling. Both events draw the eye, but just because it gets your attention doesn’t always mean it’s good.
My response? It was kinda funny, as I was falling gently asleep at work while on the phone with a boring client, and she (the client) asked me why I was so tired. I proceeded to mention that I was up until 2 am the previous night mainly writing Emails and hangin’ out with Gordon Freeman, and as my roll of explanation spun out more and more, it suddenly struck me that I hadn’t written M******* back regarding the show. That woke me up, by god. I started to freak out a bit, to be honest. Sure, there may be instances with offers of television appearances on shows I really don’t want anything to do with, but just because I’m not interested is no reason to be unprofessional and leave the person asking hanging. So as soon as my first break was done — and after a brief ‘power nap’ — I hastily Emailed the following reply back with my Treo:

from: Dave Kuroneko
to: M*******
date: Jan 21, 2008 1:28 PM
subject: Re: The Tyra Banks Show

Hey M******* –

Sorry for the delay; I spent most of my week-end away from my apartment. You know how it goes…

To be honest, I’m probably going to have to decline. I honestly don’t trust the media — in particular, television shows — that come out of the States, as a lot of them tend towards sensationalism. A couple of months ago, I turned down opportunities to speak about being an iDollator on both Geraldo and Dr Phil for the same reasons. I usually try to stick to either dedicated documentaries, or shows from other countries (‘Guys and Dolls’ was originally intended to be shown only on BBC), as they’re less likely to spin it into something that could be detrimental to both my life, and iDollator culture in general.

With all due respect, I’ll have to pass. Thanks again for the offer!

Cheers,
Davecat

Yeah; needless to say, that would’ve been a disaster of Hindenburgian proportions. A cluster of klieg lights melting my face off my skull, whilst a room full of people fail to understand what the hell I’m talking about or why being an iDollator is even an option. Just watch though, as Tyra’s crew contacts Everhard. Or Stacy Leigh. Or Gordon Griggs?

I know, right? Tyra Banks, of all people! Who’s next, Sally Jesse Raphael? She still has a show, right? Shows you how often I watch telly

Sdtrk: ‘Waterloo’ by ABBA

Unbloodybelievable. Just when you thought that Gerrrraldo soliciting me was the Pinnacle of Unlikely, this was sent to my Myspace Inbox:

From: CBS Paramount (myspace.com/cbsparamount)
Date: Oct 29, 2007 5:04 PM
Subject: Dr. Phil Show!

Hi Davecat!

My name is Heather Mansfield and I work for the Dr. Phil show here in Los Angeles. I have been trying to get a hold of you because we are extremely interested in doing a story about you and others like you who are Real Doll lovers. If you are at all interested in this, please let me know! My number here is [phone number].

Thanks so much!
Heather Mansfield

‘Trying to get a hold of you’. Like I’m extraordinarily difficult to contact or something.
What else could I say? I mean, apart from

From: Davecat
Date: Oct 31, 2007 12:10 AM
Subject: RE: Dr. Phil Show!

Hey Heather –

Thanks for the offer, but I’m afraid I must decline. For one, I don’t really know who Dr Phil is — I’ve not watched broadcast television since ‘Seinfeld’ went off the air — but somehow I don’t think that being on national television with people who are more than likely either out to ‘convert’ me, or make a mockery of my preference in partners, would be the best decision I’ve made all week. Besides, I’m really no longer doing interviews for free, and I’m fairly certain that CBS isn’t exactly willing to ante up air fare both to and from LA, as well as lodging, and at least half the cost of a new RealDoll (Sidore is in need of a new body). I could of course be wrong, but somehow I doubt it…

Don’t be too disappointed! I turned down appearing on Geraldo’s little media circus for the same reasons!

Cheers,
Davecat, with valued assistance from Sidore

Strangely, she’s not responded! Granted, she might be awaiting a phone call instead of another Email, but I just can’t see myself calling LA just to say ‘sorry, no, and should I have heard of this Dr Phil person?’
Truth be told, I do know who he is, but I’m not too keen on his work. If you’re a legitimate psychiatrist/counselor/witch doctor, somehow I think you’d be concentrating more on private consultations with your patients than being a high-profile media personality. But that’s just me. Tsukihime compared him (favourably) to Oprah, at which point I think I actually made a gagging sound.

Like I always say in instances like this, I was spoiled by having my first television appearance conducted with the wonderful Elisabeth Alexandre, as she and I corresponded via Email for almost three months before she asked if I’d like to be a part of ‘Eves de silicone’ for the public telly station France 3 back in 2001. (Yes, Sidore and I have been on television several times prior to ‘Guys and Dolls’. Hit up ‘Shouting etc etc’s search engine *points to sidebar* if you’re curious, as I’m too lazy to link them right now) Her approach was like good dating: get to know the person first, feel them out, then ask them out. ‘Dr’ Phil and sensitive investigator Geraldo are like ‘Say babe, you look interesting. Wanna come back to my place and fuck?’ Some people don’t mind that, obviously, but I’m not one of them. Errr, it depends on who’s asking. But my point is that a little research on me and iDollator culture before asking after an interview is pretty damned important…

Miss Hyde had brought up an interesting question recently — will there be a similar wave of hype for ‘Lars etc etc’ over in the UK? Will it even be screened in the UK? Somehow I don’t picture it as being such a tremendous affair as it is here, as being a Doll owner or lover isn’t as widespread (yet) as it is in the States, but there’s always a chance…
You know who I think it’d be fun to be interviewed by, should Britain decide to start making discrete enquiries? Jonathan Ross. Going by what shows I’ve seen of his, namely all three episodes of Americana (his documentary series on American midwestern culture) and the entire run of Japanorama (his loveletter concerning all things Japan), I think he’d be one of the more suitable candidates — he’s a self-confessed otaku, and he has a uniquely distinctive image and style, consisting mostly of baggy dress suits in unusual colours. When Nick and Tanya were filming the Missus and I, they’d mentioned that the concept of RealDolls might well be up his alley. Huh. Up to anything next Spring, Wossy?

Now would any other ill-advised opportunists like to put a bid in? The line forms to your left

Sdtrk: ‘Souvenir’ by Orchestral manoeuvres in the dark

Geraldo’s loss is the San Diego Union Tribune’s gain.

Heart to part
People find a lot of love in their Realdolls

By John Wilkens
UNION-TRIBUNE STAFF WRITER | October 28, 2007

The new movie “Lars and the Real Girl” is pulling back the curtain on an unusual world where people find companionship in the arms of eerily lifelike silicone dolls.

At the center of that world is a small San Marcos company, Abyss Creations, which has been making “RealDolls” since 1996 and has so much business that the wait for a new prosthetic partner is three to five months.

Cost per doll: About $6,500, plus shipping. Dolls with custom faces and bodies can run up to $50,000.

That’s a lot of money for a sex toy. And don’t be fooled by the chaste nature of Lars’ relationship with Bianca – most of the customers use their anatomically correct dolls for erotic fantasies.

But Bronwen Keller, a company spokeswoman, said some owners use them as art objects, photography subjects, and as training devices in cosmetology and crime-scene investigation. RealDolls have appeared in the TV shows “My Name Is Earl” and “nip/tuck.”

[…] There are owners who buy clothes and makeup for their dolls. They move them around the house as the day unfolds – to the breakfast table, in front of the TV, out in the yard.

The dolls are so realistic, light years beyond the cartoonish vinyl blow-ups of gag-gift fame, that some owners treat them as spouses – even to the point of calling themselves “doll husbands.”
the rest of the article is here

This would be the result of a pleasant twenty minute phone interview that I did two Fridays ago; as you’ll see, I was quoted along with Stacy Leigh, Elena Dorfman, Gordon Griggs, and a couple of other luminaries of Doll culture. Sometimes, interacting with the Faceless Media Juggernaut can be rather nice!
On the other hand, those poor staffers at Abyss have to be the busiest they’ve ever been, ever

Technorati tags: Abyss Creations, RealDolls, iDollators, Elena Dorfman, Still Lovers, Lars and the Real Girl

Sdtrk: ‘Dokumenti II’ by Laibach

Were it less jaw-droppingly non sequitur, I wouldn’t be writing about it. But dig what was in my Inbox a day or so ago:

from: “Tracy, Kevin”
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail.com
date: Oct 25, 2007 5:19 PM
subject: Inquiring about an interview with Geraldo Rivera

Hello Davecat,

My name is Kevin Tracy and I am writing to you on behalf of Geraldo Rivera. This weekend on our show we are doing a story that goes along with the release of the film “Lars and The Real Girl” and in researching the story I came across an interview you did with Marie Claire magazine. I was wondering if you might be interested in doing an interview with Geraldo Rivera this weekend on his program “Geraldo At Large”. The interview would center around your relationship with your doll Sidore. If you are interested in coming on the program this weekend please feel free to reply to this message or give me a call at my desk, [phone number]. I will be leaving the office for the evening soon but can be reached on my blackberry by e-mail. Thanks in advance for considering this request and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,
Kevin Tracy

————————————–
Kevin Tracy
Production Assistant
Geraldo At Large
blah blah blah address

Yeah, that’s exactly what I said. After shaking my head vigorously in order to clear it, I responded,

from: pulsedemon [at] gmail.com
to: “Tracy, Kevin”
date: Oct 26, 2007 3:24 AM
subject: Re: Inquiring about an interview with Geraldo Rivera

Hi Kevin –

Well, thanks for the offer! I feel I should mention, though:

1) I live in Michigan — New York’s a bit of a ways away for me,
2) That Marie Claire UK article was completely unauthorised — I wasn’t actually interviewed, the story was engineered based on other articles I genuinely participated in,
3) I’m only doing television interviews that will compensate me for my time. Being Davecat is a full-time job, but the pay is awful, and
4) Unfortunately, when I hear the name ‘Geraldo Rivera’, I think ‘sensationalist media’. Being crucified on national television because of my preference for Synthetik women isn’t exactly on my list of life goals.

Thanks, though!

Cheers,
Davecat, with valued assistance from Sidore

In the interest of disclosure, this is what he wrote back:

from: “Tracy, Kevin”
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail.com
date: Oct 26, 2007 10:02 AM
subject: RE: Inquiring about an interview with Geraldo Rivera

Hi Davecat,

Thanks for getting back to me. I fully understand your position however, please let me try to put some of your fears to rest. First off Geraldo has not been that sensational media type of personality since the mid-90’s. Geraldo is now a serious journalist who has traveled to Iraq, Hurricane Katrina, and recently just got back from covering the wildfires in California. Secondly in coming on the show you would not be berated, or as you put it “crucified”, at all. We are simply interested in learning about the lifestyle choices that people such as you make especially due to the fact that this type of lifestyle has been brought into the spotlight with the release of “Lars and The Real Girl” in theaters today. Finally, as far as compensation goes, as we are a news organization, we are unable to pay for interviews. However, we would be more than willing to fly you out to New York and put you up in a hotel for the night as I definitely understand that Michigan is quite a distance away. If any of this at all helps to change your mind about coming on our program please feel free to reply back to me and let me know before the end of the day. Thanks again and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,
Kevin

Yeah. What??

Tempting as being flown out to New York to be on telly is — my Organik Roomie said ‘I’d totally come with you’ — one, it was incredibly short notice (two days before filming?? Thanks for enquiring ahead of time, lads), and two, it’s Geraldo. I’m sorry, newfound credentials aside, once a sensationalist, always a sensationalist, as far as I’m concerned. And gee, isn’t he affiliated with FAUX, err, FOX News? Heh, that’s even more of a reason for me to steer clear. ‘No no no, we wouldn’t crucify you, we’d just publically accuse you of being an unpatriotic deviated prevert!’ Plus, I dunno; if I decided to go through with it, I’d really have to repress my urge to call him Jerry Rivers. Yeah, I know it’s not true, but still.

Is it too much to ask to have a decent, unbiased chat show host (preferably one from a foreign land) ask after an interview? Maybe willing to foot the flight and lodging bill, and contribute generously to the ‘Buy Sidore a New Body’ Fund?? Honestly, I don’t ask for much