A couple of days ago, I was wasting time on das InfoBahn doing vanity searches for both my name & Sidore’s name, and one of the Sidore-related links was a site called mangoat.net, that had a mini-review of ‘Kitten with a Whip!’, under the title ‘real doll creepyness (sic)’. Here’s the article in its entirety:

01/28/2004 Entry: “real doll creepyness”

Great mother of Snuh?, I think I finally found the worst site on the internet.

I.. I just don’t know what to say. Be careful clicking that at work.

/shudder

Sure, sometimes bad press is better than no press at all — one of the two comments for his post read ‘Woah…she’s hot!’ — but I had to say something. Hence, fueled by a mix of ire & curiosity, I wrote goatman back..

To: Mike Kremkau (mangoat@gmail.com)
Subj: RE.your 28 Jan entry “real doll creepyness”

Hi there, Mangoat!

Davecat here, maintainer of the website ‘Kitten with a Whip!’, and boyfriend to Sidore Kuroneko, the Goth RealDoll. I was doing an MSN Search on ‘KWAW!’ and stumbled across your witty posting. Suffice to say, being called the ‘worst site on the internet’ is a bold statement. What about it did you find bad? Was it the layout? Or was it the content? You don’t really go into specifics, so I’m at a loss, here. Care to explain? We’d enjoy hearing from you..

Cheers,
Davecat

About two days later, the erudite philosopher goatfucker sent his riposte:

To: lamia_doll [at] hotmail [dot] com
Subj: Re: RE.your 28 Jan entry “real doll creepyness”

Dude, you have a site dedicated to the life and personality of a fuckable latex sculpture of a woman. Plus, you really need to drop the tables, or at least make the borders invisible. Also, choose a better font and text color because my wife can’t read the site at all.

So I fired back with this missive that same evening:

To: mangoat@gmail.com
Subj: I guess we can’t all be as clever as Mangoat

Okay, so let me guess:
1) You don’t like fiction, or the development of fictional characters.
2) You can’t appreciate beauty, whether it’s artificial or not.
3) Sex without emotional baggage doesn’t really appeal to you.
4) The simple concept of a person spending their time to create a website around a subject that they enjoy, one which does no harm to anyone, makes you cringe.

As for your table complaints; no, I won’t be dropping those, unless you can come up with a better solution for me. And I happen to like dark colours such as black, dark blue & purple, so the colours are pretty much staying. If they’re too dark for you, I would suggest turning the brightness up on your monitor. Or just do what I do on sites that I think are too dark – highlight the text.
As far as the font for ‘KWAW!’, it should be Arial; if you’re not seeing it in that, check your browser settings. I would’ve used Futura T Light, but not everyone has that installed, and I refuse to use serif-based fonts. In short, if you don’t like ‘Kitten with a Whip!’, don’t visit it. I’m sure you can find other sites to mock.

Shi-chan & I say thanx for your input! We will give your comments the attention that they deserve.

Cheers,
D. & S.

And so far, I’ve not heard anything else from Goatfucker Towers. A tragedy. 😐

Ultimately, I could not physically care less if a person thinks Dolls are creepy, or if they think I’m a freak for owning one. It’s not as if I’m going to leap out of my seat and sell Shi-chan right there and then, just cos I don’t fit into some fuckwit’s concept of ‘normalcy’. Personally, I tend to think a lot of anti-Doll comments (made by males, anyway) are done so out of jealousy. And normally, I’m not a vengeful person — I may make the odd threat occasionally, but very rarely do I follow thru with them. Once in a while though, it’s extraordinarily satisfying to hit back, especially if you know you’re in the right

Dear so-called ‘hardcore’ gamers that think that cheat codes are for ‘pussies’: Fuck you. I love cheat codes. I heartily approve of cheat codes. All videogames need cheat codes. I look at it this way: If I pay $50 for a game, I want to be able to enjoy it as much as I can, in order to get the most for my dollar. That means unlocking every mission, getting every weapon, acquiring all outfits, rolling up every object, etc; or, at the very least, the ability to squeeze a lot of enjoyable replay out of it. Sometimes — not all the time, but sometimes — I require a little extra help to reach that goal of Game Satisfaction, and if that help comes in the form of a cheat code, then so be it.

At the time of this writing, I own thirty PS2 games, two PC games (American McGee’s Alice and No one lives forever), between ten and twelve PSX games, and my beloved copy of Tekki/Steel battalion. Concentrating on the PS2 games, out of thirty of those, I’ve finished about twenty-one. ‘Finished’, in my definition, means seeing the ending credits. Now, as all gamers know, just because you’ve seen the credits roll doesn’t mean that’s it for the game — that’s why I say ‘finished’, and not ‘completed’, as there may be items to obtain, or extra areas to clear or what have you, that I’ve not accomplished yet. My tally of completed PS2 games is about four. That’s not something I’m entirely proud of.
SoulCalibur 2, for instance, has a clock feature that enables you to see, in real-time, how many hours you’ve logged in on that game; mine reads somewhere around fifty hours, and I still have yet to unlock Lizardman, and I’m missing a bunch of art cards & weapons. GunGriffon Blaze, the second game I ever bought for my system back in 2001, remains two stages away from completion. And I still haven’t gotten all the feckin’ compasses in Disaster report, and I’ve finished the game three times. I’ve clocked hundreds of hours with these games, but despite that, Total Completion continues to elude me.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not as if I view these games as a chore to play, otherwise I’d have sold them a long time ago. I’ll still fire up my older games every now and again, and play them for hours on end. So why bother with cheat codes, you say? Well, just because I’m still playing these games doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve gotten any further on some of them — I’m content to play the opened/finished stages over and over again. But if I keep hitting a dead end where I can’t progress past this or that level, to me that means I’ve not gotten my full money’s worth. If I had the kind of free time where I could afford to spend six hours every day of the week attempting to take out Nine breaker, that’d be great, but I have other things I have to do. But I won’t feel fulfilled if I don’t see what else there is of the game past Nine breaker’s demise, or whatever.
Good example: I paid $150 for my copy of Tekki/Steel battalion. (yes, one hundred and fifty US dollars.) The game contains 23 missions total. I’ve finished five. Did I get my money’s worth there? I mean, I love playing the game, as it’s fun as hell, but I’d like to at least finish the initial 12 stages..

So, yeah! Cheat codes are the solution. And no, I don’t entertain any thoughts such as ‘if you use cheats, there’s no challenge’. Bullshit. BloodRayne 1 and 2 have built-in cheat codes, and even with them in use, they’re still difficult games. You can still very easily get killed in Way of the samurai even if you use the ‘Restore life’ cheat. And don’t even talk to me about Grand theft auto.
So I have absolutely no qualms about using cheat codes in difficult areas, and as far as those games that really don’t have any helpful codes to speak of, I’ll be investing in a GameShark sometime later this month. It’s not as if I’ll stop playing my collection once I have Everything, but having Everything will definitely increase the enjoyment of my games

Four more years of a hillbilly despot. That’s fucking fantastic.

I have to say that at this point, I’ve completely lost faith in the general American populace. Obviously I’m not the only one disappointed, but I was hoping against hope that enough voters, even republicans, would recognise what a mindless rolling twat Dubya is. Heh, I really should’ve lowered my expectations.

O well. I suppose there’s nothing left to do now but hope Dubya doesn’t suddenly instate a retroactive draft, or alienate any more allied countries, or sodomise the economy even further, or get us all nuked into oblivion, or etc etc

Although I wouldn’t call myself Pagan, as I feel that I’ve not studied enough of it to call myself one, I’d say that per capita, Pagans are more sensible than those who follow christian-based dogma. But I would say that.
So today is Samhain, the Pagan New year! And this year’s Samhain marks a vaguely special occasion for me, as I will no longer be spelling words in that ‘pseudo-Genesis P-Orridge’ fashion anymore. Yes, from now on, I’m spelling like a *gasp* normal person. No more ‘ov’ for ‘of’, no more.. gods, well, that’s about it, really, now that I think of it.

First of (man, that’s gonna take some getting used to) all, since this Blog is still relatively new, you’ve never really experienced the full horror of What Used To Be My Spelling Style. I began my alternate spelling back around 1991 as a tribute to one of my favourite bands of all time, Throbbing gristle. Chris Carter, Cosey Fanni Tutti, Peter ‘Sleazy’ Chistopherson, and their ostensible front-man, Genesis P-Orridge, were four art-terrorists from Manchester back in the mid-to-late Seventies, who could well be held responsible for starting the whole Industrial music & culture scenes. They were practical philosphers, they were influential trendsetters, they were artists & musicians, they were perverted deviants. They were, and still are, entirely ace.
One of their main goals was to ‘subvert from within’; meaning, transmitting non-mainstream thoughts, ideas, and concepts to the masses using mainstream methods. They maintained that just because you were brought up to think and behave in a certain way, that you didn’t have to stick with it for your entire life, especially if it wasn’t producing the desired results for you. One of Genesis’ early experiments was to transform his spelling style into something entirely ‘other’; and, being the big slobbering TG fanboy that I was at the time, I thought it would be a good idea to follow suit. Allow me to run thru some of my past writings and lay some examples on you:

Referring again to the above statement made by Mr LaVey, he says, ‘Artificiality is more than completely honest; it forestalls disappointment at things not being what they appear to be.’ W/ Artifice, wot you see is truly wot you get. However, knowing beforehand that you’ve aquired something Synthetik, it also becomes the best possible excuse for stretching yr imagination to its fullest extent, because if yr’e anything like me, yr dream/phantasy life is much more preferable to yr waking life.

Heh. I had hoped to cite more examples by pulling from some of my older fiction, but as I still don’t have a copy of MS Word 2000, I can’t open any of my files, which were saved on the screechingly obsolete MS Works 98. Goddamn you, Micro$quish, and your stupid .wps extensions. :-\
Needless to say, my writing was a lot more impenetrable back then; the above example is when I was just beginning to curtail my unusual spelling. In my ‘heyday’, the pronoun ‘I’ would be spelt as ‘E’; a ‘y’ at the end of a word would be swapped out with ‘ie’; an extra ‘e’ was added at the end of ‘the’; most all words containing a hard ‘c’ had it spelt with a ‘k’ instead — but not if the ‘c’ was the first letter in said word, so I’d spell ‘contact’ as ‘contakt’; if the word ended in ‘ve’, I’d drop the ‘e’, etc etc. As you suspect, this was a lot of work to keep up with! It was interesting, and definitely distinctive — people on the various BBSes and Forums that I’d populate would instantly know it was me whenever I posted — but after doing this for around a decade, I think I’ve pretty much had enough. Not to mention the fact that I am a rather high-ranking spelling & grammar Nazi, so even though I knew that my alternate spelling was incorrect (and I still justify it by saying that only when you know what the rules are, then you can break them), but I’m sure to many people it seemed hypocritical.

Happy Hallowe’en! Normal spelling from Davecat, for now, and forever! Not counting when I spell like a person from the UK, ov course…
Whoops! Mea culpa!

[10.31.PM] aneamo: LOL, funny. Oh you see this? http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/
[10.32.PM] aneamo: Oh, 3rd story down, Zeta delayed again.
[10.33.PM] Davecat: THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE DELAYED ZETA AGAIN??!! i SWEAR TO ALMIGHTY CHRIST, IF THEY DON’T SHIP THAT SHIT TO MY FUCKING HOUSE BEFORE THE END OV 2004, I WILL SKULLFUCK EVERYONE AT BANDAI AMERICA.
[10.33.PM] aneamo: O_O LOL
[10.33.PM] Davecat: GODDAMN IT ALREADY.
[10.33.PM] aneamo: Yeah, it’s crazy, more delays.
[10.34.PM] Davecat: I mean, wtf?? They’d better be adding more extras, to justify this new new new new delay. The damn thing’s done! It’s ready to go! FUCK ALREADY!
[10.35.PM] Davecat: It’s bad enough that we’re probably not getting the Zeta PS2 game this year (if ever), and now this??
[10.35.PM] aneamo: There was some kind of flood at the warehouse. http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/bbs/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=10484
[10.36.PM] Davecat: A FLOOD at the fucking WAREHOUSE.
*seething furiously*
[10.36.PM] aneamo: Nuts.
[10.36.PM] Davecat: FUCK.

Well, I’m off to watch Mezzo! Cheer!

En route home thru Royal oak this afternoon, I pulled up to a red light at the corner ov Main, and.. some other smegging street, and I’d noticed that, to my right, was a police officer, standing behind a large neon yellow construction-style sign that read ‘SAFETY BELT ENFORCEMENT ZONE’. Eh?? It’s true; he was just standing on the corner, about fifteen to twenty feet away from his cruiser, which was idling with the passenger door open and its hazard lights blinking, and he was.. enforcing safety belts, I suppose. I dunno. I daresay he wasn’t doing a very good job ov it, as I was stopped behind like four other cars, and he didn’t even seem to be peering into any vehicles to make sure that people had their seatbelts on. Perhaps there was a hidden camera somewhere; again, I don’t know.
Great; this is our tax dollars at work, I thought. Some cop standing on a street corner, ‘enforcing’ safety belt usage. Fecking brilliant. What is this apropos ov, exactly? I mean, if he had happened to see someone not wearing their seatbelt, what was he gonna do, yell an ineffectual ‘hey you, stop’, and leap onto the perp’s hood like T.J Hooker? Hanging on for dear life with one hand, and using the other to radio for backup ‘WE’VE GOT A SB-854 ON THE RUN SET UP THE TYRE SPIKES’? I mean, what??

Now, I understand that one ov the purposes ov police is to protect people from their own stupidity, but as far as I see it, if you don’t have the presence ov mind or simply the common goddamn sense to strap yourself into moving machinery, then quite frankly, if you get into a wreck and go rocketing thru your windscreen, you deserve what you get, as you’re the exact sort ov person that needs to be removed from the gene pool, anyway. Ultimately, if you don’t wear your seatbelt, it only harms you. Unless, ov course, you launch out ov your car, and your stupid lacerated body strikes another vehicle; well then, yeah, that’s a bit ov a problem.
But honestly, I’d have to say that it’s nice to see that police are spending their time & manpower doing something really important. Good show, sirs, and Well done

Just had an idea for an article; in the style ov the editorials on The Onion, it would be called, ‘I Should Stop Wasting So Much Time Pursuing Older Women Who Have No Interest In Me, And Start Pursuing Younger Women Who Have No Interest In Me’. Heh.