Sdtrk: ‘Separate and ever deadly’ by The Last shadow puppets

Hah! You may recall how when I transfered ‘Shouting etc etc’ from its modest origins on Blogger over to the acclaimed WordPress, how there were difficulties importing my multitude of HaloScan comments from There to Here? I mean, this was way back in 2006. There was a plugin that was supposed to be able to handle that exact sort of scenario, but try as I might, I simply could not get it to work. So guess what? I’m transferring all of those feckers by hand. That’s right. All 1,440 comments; copied, pasted, redated, etc. See how much I love you, where I’m willing to do this??
Frankly, the whole process makes me feel as if I’m losing my mind, but thankfully (?) my OCD tendencies keep me from saying bollocks to it, and deleting the lot, which I honestly wouldn’t do anyway, cos there are quite a few gems amongst them. This is obviously going to take a while, but when I’m finished*, I’ll let you know. So there you have it!

While we’re talking back end stuffs, I’d like to formally introduce you to a couple of new bloggin’ pals. There’s Intentionally Mispelled, which is intentionally misspelled. It’s a rather meta pun. Also, there’s If I Was A Rich Girl…, which is by a girl who, to my knowledge, is not rich. It’s a rather ironic pun. And lest we forget, there’s Princessrachel’s Extrawhoredinary, which is about whores celebrities. It’s a rather factual pun.

Okay, better post to come soon! Theoretically speaking, of course. So here’s a picture of one of the lovely lasses by 4woods in the interim! Standards round here have to be maintained, y’know

Oi! No lying down! These comments aren’t going to transfer themselves!

*estimated completion date is early Autumn of 2745

Sdtrk: ‘Skunk’ by The Jon Spencer Blues explosion

What exactly is it about Garfield™® that engenders so much contempt amongst upright-walking, thinking beings? I think the reason goes beyond its feeble and saccharine attempts at humour; in fact, for me, it’s precisely because it tries to be as inoffensive as possible is the reason I wish to see Jim Davis’ head on a pike outside the city gates. I can understand wanting to create comics that can be enjoyed by a wide range of people, but as a wise Mancunian once remarked, ‘If you pander to the public, art can never exist’.

Luckily, it seems of late that more and more people are realising that there actually are trace elements of humour to be found in Garfield™®, if you have a powerful enough viewing device to see it. Recently, I discovered three separate sites that have a reductionist approach to putting the ‘comic’ back into that ‘comic strip’. First, I give you Arbuckle:

In 1978, Jim Davis began a newspaper comic strip called “Garfield”. For almost thirty years, this strip has endured, primarily because its inoffensive, storyless humour is immediately accessible. It is, if not quite the Lowest Common Denominator of the comic world, at least as close to it as one can get without being obviously mediocre.

The comic changes dramatically when one removes the thought bubbles.

“Garfield” changes from being a comic about a sassy, corpulent feline, and becomes a compelling picture of a lonely, pathetic, delusional man who talks to his pets. Consider that Jon, according to Garfield canon, cannot hear his cat’s thoughts. This is the world as he sees it. This is his story.

They’re accepting submissions, so if you’re feelin’ mischievous and want to redo a strip yourself, contact the site owner to check to see someone else hasn’t done the one you want first.
Then you’ve got Garfield minus Garfield:

Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life?
Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against lonliness and methamphetamine addiction in a quiet American suburb.

Yes, Jon is that much more unsettling when he’s the only person in the room. I love the ones where they redo the extended Sunday versions, and the first panel that usually has the title ‘Garfield’ in it, is completely blank.

Finally, there’s Lasagna Cat, which is not so much ‘reductionist’, as ‘singularly disturbing’. But that description really fits when you’re dealing with live-action reenactments of various Garfield™® strips, with rimshots and canned laughter and the actors holding still in lieu of a freeze-frame. Yeah. After viewing a couple of these, you can announce to the world that you have indeed seen everything it has to offer, and you can now return to your Maker with no regrets. My particular favourite?

Hallucinatory. But funny! And when’s the last time you could honestly say that about an unadulterated Garfield™® comic?

And with this post, I hereby announce the new category, G******d (which has actually been there for a bit of a while, but nevertheless). Come, share the Hate with me

ta very much to aneamo for the ‘Garfield minus Garfield’ link

We won’t forget you, though in violence you go,
As the wheels turned in the theatres below,
An escape from the ends never met,
In apartments with the lives not formed yet

Sdtrk: ‘My year is a day’ by Les Irresistibles

And by ‘out’, I mean ‘largely unmotivated to do anything due to illness’. Yep, sick again. Either I caught the last vestiges of whatever plague from SafeT when we were round to goshou’s last Saturday, watching the last five episodes of Gundam 00 (note: fucking amazing, and we can’t wait for the rest of the series), or I obtained it from Tsukihime, when she was round last Sunday, moving out more of her belongings and coughing like a pro. Personally, I’m hoping it’s from SafeT, as Tsukihime has had an on-again off-again battle with bronchitis for months…

So I got round to my GP on Friday, cos although I don’t really have the fever or shivers or any of the usual symptoms of the grippe, I’ve been congested, and my throat’s been bone-dry. I could be uncharitable and partially chalk that up to my job, which has me constantly talking to twats across the nation five days a week, but I won’t for now. He has me open wide for the tongue depressor assessment, and I’m a third of the way through my AAAHH when he pulls the popsicle stick out, telling me that it’s really red in there. As quick as that judgement was, it was undoubtedly pulsing a bright crimson at the back of my throat. He’s got me on stronger antibiotics this time round, and these feckers are the biggest pills I’ve ever encountered. Behold its enormity (sorry for the blurriness):

left, a 2008 United States penny; right, a suppository

Imagine, if you can, a two-month old baby. Now imagine swallowing said baby whole. That’s what kind of dimensions we’re dealing with here. Dr S., do I look like a horse??
Ugh. Organiks. Walking germ factories. But I did manage to stop round Borders and pick up vol.10 of Monster (‘a taut psychological thriller’) and How to read Death note after my visit, as well as pre-ordered the new book about Boyd Rice, Standing in two circles, when I arrived home, so the day wasn’t a complete loss…

Well then! Back to work, or back to bed?

Sdtrk: ‘Day out’ by Daisies

You don’t need a calendar anymore! Phoenix Studios would like to point out that it’s now May. Ladies and gentlemen, start your credit cards! Or your overactive fantasies, one or the other.

insert obvious ‘My, what big… eyes… you have’ line here

Apart from maybe Cinco de Mayo, I’ve no idea what possible event Miss May could be celebrating, apart from the Joy of Living. Well, whatever it is, she’s doing a remarkable job. Miss April’s still may favourite so far, though…

Next up: not just one, but two alert readers — Maisie Sedgwick Deely, who’s tipped me off before, as well as the lovely Rayschro aka Princessrachel — have clued me into a rather enticing new exhibit opening up at the bitforms gallery in New York City:

Ahh, the ‘GAH ALRIGHT ALREADY I’M AWAKE’ look

Lynn Hershman Leeson returns to bitforms gallery in NY with the first showing of a new series, Found Objects, April 26 – May 31.

Including the premiere of the sex doll installation, “Olympia: Fictive Projections and the Myth of the Real Woman,” a provocative and updated version of Edouard Manet’s notorious painting, “Olympia”.

February 2008, New York, NY – San Francisco-based artist and filmmaker Lynn Hershman Leeson returns to bitforms gallery in New York for a new solo exhibition, Found Objects, running April 26-May 31. With a body of work that spans over 35 years and ranges from early conceptual and performance pieces to artificial intelligence robotic works and films, Hershman Leeson is one of the most influential artists working in new media today. Updating the notion of “readymade” introduced by Marcel Duchamp, Found Objects is a new series that features assembly-line produced female sex dolls to examine issues of projected fantasies and the mythology of artificial women. With the installation, “Olympia: Fictive Projections and the Myth of the Real Woman,” Hershman Leeson restages Edouard Manet’s “Olympia,” projecting images of the painting on a doll to offer a provocative, updated version of the notorious artwork. Also on display are several digital prints in which the dolls appear to be emotionally involved in their predestined situations.
taken from this site

In looking over her website, it appears that over the years, she’s done some interesting work with Mannequins and window displays, as well assembling quite a few installation pieces that involve either surveillance cameras, or artificial intelligence programmes. Huh! Might have to keep an eye on her, no pun intended…
So who wants to fly me and the Missus out to New Yawk for this? I mean, how else would we give the show a proper assessment and review? Don’t all volunteer at once, now.

As an aside, last night, my friend Mari mentioned that since she sees so many pictures of Synthetik women whenever she’s round Deafening silence Plus, she’s more or less conditioned to the point where, if she sees a somewhat blurry or otherwise unclear photo of a lass in her day to day affairs, she thinks it’s a Doll until proven otherwise. That’s… that’s pretty fantastic.

Finally, I found what may be the best review for ‘Lars and the Real Girl’ in existence. If you’re spoiler-averse, stay away from it, but gods, it’s a riot, as it’s written by someone carelessly wielding Babelfish, or perhaps a student of the book ‘English as She is Spoke‘.

Gosling stars as Lars, a quiet, anomaly teen Negro in a far Midwestern municipality who lives in his brother Gus’ (Paul Schneider) garage and avoids some ethnic interaction whatsoever, including unsure advances from his tall co-worker Margot (Kelli Garner). For a patch we’re not rattling trusty what’s up with Lars—is he depressed? sociopathic?—but every the customary bets are soured when Bianca arrives at his door. Bianca is a Real Girl, a life-size stimulate chick sequential soured the Internet. Lars gets the intent from his ruttish co-worker, but when Bianca arrives it’s country he’s not into her for her anatomically precise parts—Lars has institute love.

O, the unintentional humour, it kills me again and again

Technorati tags: Phoenix Studios, Boy Toy Dolls, bitforms gallery, Lynn Hershman Leeson, Found Objects, Lars and the Real Girl, English as She is Spoke

Sdtrk: ‘Empire state human’ by the Human League

As no-one tells me anything anymore, I learned that BBC America aired Nick Holt’s ‘Guys and Dolls‘ yet again a week or so ago. That particular documentary is like the equivalent of Soft cell’s Tainted love for Sidore and I, or perhaps like Blue Monday by New order — it’s the vehicle that’s brought us to the most peoples’ attention, as most don’t know we’ve done other interviews previously. But I have to say, when we get round to putting in another appearance on telly or film, if nothing else, we can show that we’ve not been living at my parents since last year. Man.
So guess which media juggernaut contacted me recently?

from: Donnelly, Christine
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail [dot] com
date: Mon, Apr 21, 2008 at 4:17 PM
subject: Interview Request – from Alan Colmes

Hi Davecat,

I’m with Alan Colmes’ national radio show.

Last night, I happened to see the BBC America documentary featuring you and Sidore.

We’d love to have you on the show. Both Alan and our audience find this topic very interesting; we had David Levy on the show a few months ago.

What about a phone interview at midnight on Thursday night? Well, technically, that’s Friday, but you know what I mean, right?

It’d be about 20 minutes or so.

If so, at what landline (and backup – like a cell) can you be reached?

Look forward to hearing from you and hope we can arrange.

Best,
Christine

Christine Donnelly
Booker, The Alan Colmes Show

Durr — what? Colmes, of the FAUX News pseudo-pundits Colmes and Hannity? What??
I’d mentioned this invite to New Internet Bestest Friend Forevar, the lovely Gina Banina, during an IM conversation, and she thought it was pretty ace. At that point, I’d asked her if Colmes wasn’t a berserk frothing neo-con, and she replied she didn’t know. I don’t keep up with politics, and I’d only heard tell of Colmes’ and Hannity’s television programme: one representing the left wing agenda, the other plumping for right-wingers, dancing round each other for an hour in an enclosed ring and slicing at the other with homemade prison shanks, their left wrists bound together with a length of rough twine. I hadn’t a clue as to which one was which; however, a quick spin on the Wikipedia wheel set us straight — Colmes was the liberal one. With that news, I began to think that perhaps 20 minutes over the phone wouldn’t be altogether bad… after all, David Levy was once a guest…
I was beginning to consider saying yes, when a crucial factor came to my attention. So I wrote Christine back:

from: Dave Kuroneko
to: “Donnelly, Christine”
date: Tue, Apr 22, 2008 at 6:01 PM

Hello there –
Thanks for posing an enquiry, however, I’m afraid I’ll have to respectfully decline. Basically, I work a staggered shift, which has me getting off at midnight Wednesday through Friday, so I probably won’t be able to do the phone interview. Thanks very much for the opportunity, though!

Cheers,
Davecat, with valued assistance from Sidore

That’s that affair put to bed, right? Wrong. She wrote back almost immediately — literally, like almost half an hour later:

from: Donnelly, Christine
to: Dave Kuroneko
date: Tue, Apr 22, 2008 at 6:25 PM

Dave,

Thanks so much for replying.

Not trying to be a pain here but…we would love to have you on the show! If 12:30am on Thursday (after you get out of work) would work, that’d be great. Or midnight next Monday or Tuesday?

Best,

Christine

One half of my mind’s going ‘well, what’s the harm in it?’ and the other half is shouting ‘your segments in “Guys and Dolls” were misrepresented on Jay Leno and Talk Soup, for fuck’s sake’. Sometimes, bad press is better than no press at all, but that’s only sometimes. With a subject such as being an iDollator, caution when dealing with the media is extremely important. Plus, all told, FAUX News equals high-RPM spin doctoring in my mind.
So days later — which I kinda feel guilty about, as leaving any booking agent hanging is pretty unprofessional — I finally responded:

from: Dave Kuroneko
to: “Donnelly, Christine”
date: Wed, Apr 30, 2008 at 1:17 PM

Hey Christine –

Sorry it’s taken so long to get back to you; both my work and my personal life have been in a state of flux over the past few days…

Unfortunately, I think I’ll have to respectfully decline your invite to be on Alan Colmes chat show. To be completely honest, I’m rather distrustful of the way that media, American media in particular, has a habit of spinning topics to serve their own ends, especially in the instance of something as ‘out there’ as being an iDollator. I wanted to have a listen to the interview you say he’d conducted with David Levy, to see how that went, but I was unable to locate it. Besides, the past couple of days at work have been rubbish, and I’m sure that would inadvertently affect my demeanour and circumspection on-air. I’m sure you understand.

Once again, sorry for the delay, and thanks for the opportunity!

Cheers,
Davecat

And that seems to have done it. Sigh.
It’s crazy: the venues that I’d want to be interviewed by don’t seem to have any interest in the topic, and the venues I wouldn’t touch with a barge pole are all over me! This, then, is Irony

EDIT (03 May): So I went ahead and made a ‘Circus Minimus’ category, cos this sort of thing is happening more often than I would’ve ever thought possible. Who knew?

Technorati tags: Guys and Dolls, Nick Holt, Alan Colmes, RealDolls, iDollators, David Levy