typed for your pleasure on 30 August 2008, at 11.20 am
Sdtrk: ‘Silver sands’ by Stereolab
Sometimes when I oversleep, my subconscious tends to get all crazy. Of course, I mean moreso than usual.
I’ve just awakened after having a dream that Franz Ferdinand‘s Alex Kapranos was half-jokingly teaching me how to box. Now Franz Ferdinand’s music is pretty fab, but somehow I don’t really picture Alex being the next Sonny Liston. So he’s probably at about the level of boxing skill I could muster, frankly
typed for your pleasure on 23 August 2008, at 3.04 am
Sdtrk: ‘Kangaroo’ by This mortal coil
It’s long been a goal of mine to learn multiple languages, as obviously it can open up several new venues for a person. In order, I’d love to master Japanese, German, French, and Gaelic (both Scottish and Irish). Hell, why not throw in Lapine, the language the rabbits spoke in ‘Watership down’, as well, cos if I somehow manage to free up enough time in my life to learn five additional languages, I might as well make it six. But it’d be fantastic: Japanese would enable me to understand all that Japanimation that I watch; German would let me translate Laibach lyrics; French, so I could watch unadulterated episodes of ‘Belle et Sébastien’, and Gaelic, so I could ken what the living hell’s being said on this webpage.
Is ait an mac an saol, rud a fhíoraíonn lucht ceannaithe Real Dolls go paiteanta. Tugann Ciara Nic Gabhann léargas ar na fir arbh fhearr leo caidreamh a bheith acu le bábóg ná le fíorbhean.
Tagann an ráiteas “there’s nowt as queer as folk” chun cuimhne agus mé ag meabhrú ar an scannán Lars and the Real Girl, a bhí le feiceáil i bpictiúrlanna le gairid.
Sa scannán seo insítear scéal fir óig, Lars (Ryan Gosling), a bhfuil cónaí air i mbaile beag. Is duine é Lars a mbíonn faitíos uafásach air agus é i gcomhluadar – comhluadar ban ach go háirithe – agus mar gheall air seo, seachnaíonn sé gach saghas caidrimh. Labhraíonn comhghleacaí dá chuid leis lá amháin faoi mhainicíní sileacóin, ar a dtugtar Real Dolls, atá múnlaithe i bhfíorchruth mná. I ngan fhios d’aon duine, ordaíonn Lars ceann de na bábóga ar an idirlíon. the rest of the article is here
It’s about Dolls and iDollators, and mentions me and the Missus in extant (looks like it quotes that pack of lies known as the Marie Claire UK article) as well as ‘Lars etc etc’, and the language burns my brain.
Would any of you lovely readers out there happen to know Gaelic, by any chance? I’d use Babelfish, but as you know, that’s sometimes akin to putting a language in a blender, and drinking the results. Any takers? I’ll name a kitten after you!*
*note: the kitten won’t actually be mine, as our apartment doesn’t allow pets
typed for your pleasure on 20 August 2008, at 1.12 pm
Sdtrk: ‘I just wasn’t made for these times’ by the Beach boys
Summertime’s nearly overwith (thankfully), but it’s still sound advice to stay indoors where the air conditioning is and buy something online! After all, with US petrol prices hovering close to European levels, who wants to drive anywhere?
+ It’s… it’s lovely…
We at Coffincouches.com have the mindset of thinking “Green” and we know it is different but we strongly believe in recycling. Our niche happens to be 18 gauge steel coffins which we collected from local funeral homes primarily in Southern California. It is a health and safety law that funeral homes cannot resell used coffins to the general public. We approached funeral directors with the attitude of recycling. These coffins are not used for burial due to slight cosmetic inconsistencies. They are reconfigured and modified resulting in a finished product – a unique one a kind coffin couch.
YES. A COUCH MADE OUT OF AN ACTUAL COFFIN. I need to start making more money, so I can get a bigger place, so I can fit one of these bad boys into it. Just over there, at a right angle to my Eero Aarnio ball chair
+ Come to think of it, I’ll need money for a whole new house, so I can buy some land in Scotland, and have it built upon it.
Buy a Laird, Lady or Lord Title today!
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to buy a title? For as little as $59.99 you can buy a noble title and your very own plot of land on an estate in Lochaber, in the Scottish Highlands. As a Scottish land owner you will be privileged to style yourself Laird, Lady or Lord of Lochaber.
The Laird title is the Scottish form of a Lord title, meaning “land owner” and by purchasing one of our range of plots you will become owner of your very own Highland Estate and Lord title – you choose how large an estate you want to own. Joint estates are available for couples.
You will be asked to provide us with the new Lord’s name when you place your order and we will swiftly deliver the fully personalised documents in a beautiful glossy full colour folder, shrinkwrapped to protect it in transit, and gift wrapped if desired. Whether it’s for yourself – or it is a gift, the pack is a delight to receive. You may use your land however you wish – feel free to take up residence if your Estate is large enough!
One of the things you get with your deed would be a heraldic crest of your very own. I’m tempted, so tempted… I mean, come on. Laird Davecat and Lady Sidore. Say that aloud, in a voice approximating Sean Connery’s for the full effect
+ This would be a very important test, that every one of us can use, that I found on das Interbutt.
Cos y’know what? You never know when you may be forcibly ejected into the endless frigid vacuum that is Space Itself. You could even compose a haiku if you have enough time and a pen and paper!
Tumbling fast now
Explosion wrecks the capsule
This would be ggllarghaharrguhpfft
+ I really need to be reading ths more often: Overheard Everywhere. It’s rather like that Lewis Black joke about when he caught the tail end of a conversation from a lass on a cellphone ‘…and I would’ve gone back to college, if it weren’t for that horse!’, only for several high-larious pages.
Drunken wedding guest to videographer going from table to table: Zach*, I want to wish you and Jenny* many years of happiness, and I hope you get as much pleasure out of fucking her as I did. Other guests at table: Erase that! Erase that! Videographer: Are you kidding? This is like gold!
or
Professor: I think I popped a few Oxycontins before I wrote this so it might not make any sense.
or
Victoria’s Secret salesgirl to couple: Our bras are 15% off today. Male: I prefer it when your bras are 100% off. Victoria’s Secret salesgirl: [With a blank look on her face.] That wouldn’t make sense. Then they would be free.
Quality. In the air and everywhere
+ Also, allow me to geek out for a minute — no laughing, you — and say OMFG WATCHMEN!!1!
Although I’ve not seen ‘300’, the bloke who directed that handled ‘Watchmen’ and so far, it looks like he’s done a fine job with the visuals, at the very least. I’m actually excited to see this when it comes out next March, and I daresay it might be even be a faithful adaptation of one of my favourite graphic novel series of all time. As long as it doesn’t get fucked and waylaid like that atrocious, hideous, ill-handled, and smelly film version of ‘League of Extraordinary Gentlemen’, I’ll be really happy. I might actually stop hating Hollywood for a couple of minutes! Although Alan Moore, the madman genius who wrote the story might not agree; he’s had a long history of Hollowwood taking liberties with adapting his works to the silver screen — ‘League’ would be a prime example — cos in looking over the credits, his name’s nowhere to be found… Still, I’m keeping my fingers tightly crossed
+ And finally, it appears that Paula ‘Botox-chan‘ Oliveira has A NEW CHALLENGER.
You will soon find this pic distracting / annoying / terrifying
I dub thee… Lockjaw-chan. Perhaps this is the effect she was going for?
typed for your pleasure on 13 August 2008, at 12.13 am
Sdtrk: ‘Roma’ by Pizzicato five
Cos you’ve heard it before, really. But perusing my stats this eve, I did get a hearty laugh out of someone hitting ‘Shouting etc etc’ through a phrase that (temporarily) shifted the scowl from my face:
As a completely unrelated point of interest, I’d also like to point out that on average, the price of a gallon of 87-octane petrol in the tri-county area is between $3.79 – $4.07 USD. Just something to consider
typed for your pleasure on 4 August 2008, at 5.34 pm
Sdtrk: ‘Did you expect the gods to tread lightly when they came among you’ by Caldera lakes
We have a metric ton of news to cover in this month’s instalment. A ton. Ready GO!
You’ve probably seen this already, but Kokoro Co. Ltd.’s winsome Actroid DER2-chan made her media debut recently; she was in an advert for an insect repellent/sunscreen spray for the Japanese manufacturer Kincho.
Titled “The Woman Who Doesn’t Rust,” the 15-second commercial spot shows Actroid outdoors at a campground, where she recommends using Preshower because, as a female, her skin is important. After a few squirts of the spray, she cheerily adds, “Surprisingly, I don’t rust.” taken from Pink Tentacle
Her voice. It’s so cute.
Today, a 15-second telly advert; tomorrow, a major part in a feature film! Well done, babe!
Speaking of Gynoids, some bloke in Japan is trying his hand at building one himself. His project is called Maidroid, which immediately identifies two target markets he’s aiming for.
She won’t be a very good maid with only one arm
Of course, everything on his site is in Japanese, and I don’t have the kind of patience to Babelfish the entire page, so just do what I do — visit it, scroll towards the bottom, click on some links, stare at the pics, watch the videos, and nod approvingly.
Five points of articulation. That’s four more than a McFarlane figure
There’s not a tremendous amount of photos in the gallery, so hopefully Mr Kliszynski has more out there that he’s just not displayed on his site yet…
Speaking of Doll art, you know (sexy) fellow iDollatorStacy Leigh‘s photos of her gorgeous silicone roomies have been shown in another publication, right? This time round, she was interviewed for the July/August issue of Park, a French magazine (scroll to the bottom for the article). They gave her eight pages! Rock on, missy!
Speaking of print magazines, on domestic shores, the August issue of Penthouse features a very even-handed four-page write-up on Real-Dolls (needed another hyphen there), which means you can actually say you’re reading it for the articles… Better hurry up and grab it, cos you know how it is with print — it’s always one month ahead, and since it’s August as we speak, all the August issues out will magickally turn into September issues in a couple of days.
Speaking of August, Phoenix Studios once again meets another deadline! I’ve always loathed August for its excessive heat and humidity; thankfully, Miss August doesn’t reflect those qualities at all. And good on her.
And why would I be attracted to her? She looks
nothing at all like the Missus!
For a couple of seconds, I was kinda confused as to what seasonal event she was supposed to represent, until I twigged it — she’s dressed as a schoolgirl. School (in the States) starts in late August. Ah haaah. Very clever, Phoenix Studios; very clevair.
Speaking of seasons, Boy Toys in and of themselves look fab enough, but Phoenix Studios are pulling another innovation out of their hat(s) with the Boy Toy Seasons line, featuring Summer, Autumn, and Winter, and Spring. These lasses are super-limited edition (only fifty of each will be made), but on top of that, their faces fall in between the stylised qualities of the regular Boy Toy line, and the realistic look of regular RealDolls. Huh!
It’s Summer time (not to be confused
with ‘Hammer time’)
Aaand finally, blindly groping my way through Google, I spotted a website for an indie film entitled ‘Rubberheart‘.
It’s Tuesday and Maggie (Rebecca Hall) is on the prowl at her local hunting ground, the video store. Hapless video nerd Ted (Jake Sandvig) tries, as always, to curry favor with Maggie, but she needs more intrigue. She needs more of a man. Enter Nick (Josh Cooke). Maggie courts Nick while browsing the Tinto Brass collection. They go to Maggie’s to watch Salon Kitty and make love on the couch.
The morning after, Maggie wakes without the usual sense of dread that comes with a hangover and making small talk with a stranger who you’ve had mediocre sex with. They agree to see each other again.
After a few weeks of renting films and watching them at Maggie’s place until carnal pleasure interrupts, Nick invites Maggie to dinner at his house. When Maggie arrives, Nick has something to share…something that takes Maggie completely by surprise.
SPOILERS: He’s got three lovely RealDolls. Well, it’s not much of a spoiler, really; I mean, why else would I be writing about it?
I’ve contacted the director, Brian Crano, in an attempt to procure a copy of the film for review. It’s actually making the film festival rounds — it’s due to be shown at the Canary Wharf Film Festival later this month. Full details are, of course, available on the film’s site, so if you catch it, let me know! Well, let Brian know too, as I’m sure he’d appreciate it.
Whoo! That… was a lot of news in one go. I think I need a Djarum
